Wednesday, November 2, 2011

Too Many Cooks in the Parenting Kitchen

I work with a BUNCH of women. Most of them at least 10 or more years older than I am. Since becoming a parent, I've realized that this is both a blessing and a curse. I don't want to sound ungrateful, really I don't, since there is no way I would be able to bring Mia to work and still actually get anything done without their help. But sometimes, they really have a way of overstepping.

Babies have fingernails. Mia has long, soft fingernails. I trim them, every 2 or 3 days, right after her bath. Any more than that, and the teeny baby nail clippers will not work, because there isn't enough nail growth. Some mornings, Mia wake up with a scratch or two. Usually, if I notice a scratch, I check her nails immediately and do what I can. If I come into work and Mia has scratches -- I'd better get ready to hear it. "You need to file her nails!" Please. I just did it. One of my co-workers (who is NOT a parent, by the way) has actually come into my office while Mia was napping with a pair of her own nail clippers and offered to "do it for me". No way lady, back the F up. First of all, I am perfectly capable of doing it myself. Second of all, you are not touching my baby with those same clippers you use on your toenails. Back the F up.

One of my co-workers is a NICU nurse at night. I've mentioned her before. So, yes. She knows a lot about babies. She has been continuously telling me that I should be feeding Mia more solid foods than I do. That I should be giving her breakfast, lunch and dinner, everyday, and that if she seems hungry, it's because I'm not giving her enough food. So, my pediatrician recommended baby book says that is NOT what you are supposed to do. My pediatrician also said that until she's older, her nutrition will come almost completely from her bottles. So correct me if I'm wrong, but I will continue to listen to the pediatrician.

It really doesn't stop.

Co-Worker: Why aren't you giving her any water?
Frenchie: My pediatrician says she doesn't need any yet, she gets as much water as she needs from her formula.
Co-Worker: Oh, well when my kids were babies, we were supposed to give them water.
Frenchie: {shrug}

Co-Worker: You should dress her in larger clothes so that she grows faster.
Frenchie: She's not a goldfish. That's not how babies work.

Yesterday, the nail-clipper co-worker gave Mia a bit of food from her lunch. I was not paying attention until it was too late and everyone was all "Oh! Look what Mia's eating! How cute! Don't worry, it's just squash, she likes squash, right?" Yeah, steamed and blended squash with no seasoning. I am pretty sure your squash at least had salt and pepper on it, but fine. Even though I could feel my blood boiling in my wrists, I just said: "Ok, that's enough though!". Three hours later, Mia vomitted down my shirt. Like, a lot of vomit. Thanks.

This is 100% a joke. No babies consumed any Diet Pepsi in the taking of this photograph. Am not a TOTAL hypocrite.
Like I said, I really couldn't do this whole thing without them. They all really love and care for Mia, and Mia loves seeing them every day. So, I'm not going to explode the way I want to, I'll just live with it. But when I got in today, I calmly explained to everyone that Mia was to only have formula because her stomach was upset from something she had for lunch. Passive aggressive! Sometimes the only option.


  1. This is something I have never understood. We females have it tough. Whether we be mothers or not, straight, homosexual, single, "taken," etc. And we all KNOW we have it tough. So why, oh why, do we make it harder on each other? Why do we stick our nose in others' business, or ridicule, or in this case (much like "Toxic Bitch's" case) belittle each others' mothering habits? If any two humans should be nice to each other, or cut each other some slack, shouldn't it be fellow women, of all people? But no, they just go on nitpicking or even attacking each other. Sigh.

  2. Juliet I ALWAYS am saying that. How can we take over the world if we can't even get along with each other?!? I was joking about the taking over the world part... Sort of.