Friday, November 4, 2011


I want to adopt.

When I was in my late teens/early twenties and had very few romantic prospects, I openly told anyone who asked that my plan was to adopt if I was still single by age 35. While I am now only age 27, married, and already have a son, I still do want to adopt. And now sooner rather than later. I have been told that due to the heart complications from my pregnancy with Tybalt, that I MUST not have another natural child. My odds of surviving what happened were about 75% (one out of every four women die), so I am a miracle to be living as it is. If I get pregnant again, the mortality rate changes to 50%. Those are not odds I want to gamble with. And even if by some small chance I did want to throw caution to the wind, my husband has said ABSOLUTELY NOT. Can I blame him? No.

But I always wanted 4 children. Romeo actually never really planned on marrying and having kids until meeting me, so our compromise became 2 children if we were blessed with one of each gender, or 3 if the first 2 were the same sex, so that we could try for the other. After 3 we would assume we had what God wanted us to and stop there no matter what. (Is it okay to admit that as much as I love my son more than life itself, I've always wanted a girl, so when our ultrasound showed us we were expecting a boy, I took a bit of solace knowing we were still going to try for a girl later.)

Enter the fact that now I have just one child, and of course being the miracle he is gender does not matter, but I've been told I can never get pregnant again, and it's driving me mad! Looney! Horribly sad and disappointed. You get the idea. I just don't think our family is complete. No matter whether we are destined for another wonderful boy or a sweet girl, it's just not complete.

So, I want to adopt. Here are the 2 main roadblocks currently, however:

1) While Romeo and I have discussed adoption and he is open to it, he has been honest in that he doesn't feel the same longing right now as I do for another child. After seeing me so medically fragile and having to face the reality he might have had to parent alone, he is just grateful I am okay and our son is healthy. He has said he is satisfied, at least for now, with the size and make-up of our family. During these honest conversations he has also said that he admits he can't predict how he will feel "down the road" and that maybe in a handful of years he will want another child. And if that is the case, he is all for adoption. But as for now, he is content. So, what that means is that while I want to start to do the research and fill out the apps, and do what is needed to get on a program's list now, seeing it could take quite a while to actually be matched and adopt even after we are officially approved to do so, Romeo just isn't ready yet. And so, I wait. And try harder to convince him in the meantime.

2) The money. I am ashamed to say it, but we have no savings. Nada. We would have to start saving bit by bit now, and with our meager budget that is extremely hard. So, I just don't know how we could ever afford it. Yes, I know fostering-to-adopt is an option many perspective parents use, but I really don't think it's for me. My hat goes off to those who can, but I just don't think I have it in me. First of all, I don't think I could handle caring for a child yet knowing everyday they could be reunited with their parents. In fact, that is actually the goal in most foster cases--to reunite the parent(s) and child after the parent(s) learn the error of their ways and are rehabilitated. Secondly, most foster system children are school-aged. I risk sounding selfish, I know, but I want to adopt an infant, a newborn particularly. I missed out on SO much of Tybalt's early development, and I want that with my second child.

Anyway, those are my musings for the night.

P.S. Don't be surprised if I start to add some adoption mother blogs to our Mommy In The Sin City favorites list. I have started to find a number that are very interesting and supportive for all women to read, be you a biological mother, birth mother, adoptive mother, or a woman attempting or contemplating being a parent-- be it naturally or through adoption.

1 comment:

  1. DM and I have the same understanding about the 2-3 children. I really want a girl and would be disappointed if I didn't have one and vice versa. Good to know I am not the only one that selfishly wants a little doll of my own!