The Happiest of Fridays to you

My last post was such a first world problems kind of post, but I received my Samsung Galaxy S5 and am slowly adjusting to Android. It feels like it shouldn't be a big deal, but even for someone (like me) who doesn't play games or tweet or whatever on her phone, it's a revelation in how dependent I am on it. Calendars, contacts, photos, notes... it has been taking up my precious brain space all week long. At some moments, I'm so happy to have this big bright screen (it really is better than Apple's), and other moments, I think about how comically large this phone is and for some reason I can't get this camera to work as well as Apple's camera, even though the Samsung's is supposedly better (on paper). Either way, I'm giving it more time. If I can't get used to it soon, B and I will switch phones because he's entirely jealous of my Android, though I am not sure I get why quite yet.

In baby news, I finally located the missing bag of baby clothes and it turns out... we have a lot of clothing. A whole lot of 0-3 months and 3-6, which is what I was focusing on. So, that's good! Except that I had already hauled my expanding self to a consignment sale and purchased no fewer than 10 footie pajamas in both the 0-3 and 3-6 month range. I mean, at least I got them on consignment. I would have been pretty peeved with myself if I had bought them new and hung them up nicely in the closet as I did last weekend... We are now pretty well equipped in the clothing range and it looks like this little baby is going to be wearing footie pajamas all the live long day. There are still a few baby items that remain in the storage black whole that is either our garage, cupboard under the stairs, or walk in closet (the baby swing and the infant padding for the car seat) but someday soon, B will have to start taking my requests nagging seriously enough to get himself in there. Goodness knows I can't do it myself.

Friends of ours are hosting a "Baby Sprinkle" for us, and in light of having found my stash of baby girl clothes, I am feeling quite guilty about it. I think it will be really fun to have a little get together of our friends here in Vegas, but I am feeling bad about the occasion begging for presents. I've put together a registry specifically to show that there is very little we need (replacement bottle parts, some nursing accessories, diapers, lotions...) but I'm afraid it's still a bit tacky. I did ask our hosts to write that presents weren't necessary on the invitation, and I think that might be the best I can do to temper the tackiness short of cancelling the whole party (which I have no intention of doing, because it's going to be fun!).

I hope everyone has a few fun plans this weekend! Happy Friday!

Apple Woes

On Friday, after work, I planned to go to a consignment sale to pick up some clothing for both my 3 year old and my 30 weeker. Since I wasn't going to a part of town that I knew, I had plugged the address into my phone's GPS, and was following its directions when I realized that Siri hadn't spoken to me in a while. I look over and see the white screen of death. The white screen of death that I was all to familiar with, having had this happen to me at least 6 or 7 times in the past three months.

I drove around, pleading with my pregnancy brain to remember the address. By some miracle, I remembered the cross streets, searched for some signs and got myself there. Getting home was a bit of a debacle since I had no idea where the highway was, but I drove in the general direction I knew I needed to get to, and luckily stumbled on some signs to enter the highway I needed. I am really not one of those people who is constantly on their phones -- I use it for communicating. I don't play games, I don't tweet, I don't even read news. I check my email, check facebook (admittedly), instagram, and text and facetime.

I got my phone in the beginning of June. I'm already on my 3rd iPhone 5s. Seriously. They've had to reissue me a new phone twice, once because of this spontaneous shut down and never restarting problem (that's the technical term for it) and once because the camera hardware was damaged for whatever reason. 

B spent three hours on the phone with a combination of AT&T and Apple yesterday, I spent about 3 hours on the phone with Apple this morning, attempted no less than 4 restores, none of which actually 'restored' my phone to any functional level. Apple's solution: send me another 5s. I say, absolutely not.

The definition of insanity, according to Albert Einstein, is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. How am I seriously going to expect that anything different is going to happen if I am sent a 4th 5s? I am absolutely convinced that there is something wrong with the 5s. I'm not being unreasonable -- I said send me any other iPhone model, except the 5s, as long as it has the same amount of memory. 

I think I'm being perfectly reasonable, but this seems to involve many overrides and calls to managers. Current status: acknowledged white screen of death cannot be fixed. Management must authorize non-like replacement.

There's really no point to this blog post, except to keep me from throwing this useless piece of shit against the wall and feeling extremely satisfied by my actions.

Update: 09/23/2014 It's a big fat NO on replacing my 5s with any other model. They can send me a replacement 5s after they've received my broken 5s. You see, you can't have two iPhones in your possession at once, even if the second is non-functional. You don't want to do it that way? OK, you can make an appointment at the Apple store most convenient for you and do the exchange in person. The next available appointment is... Sunday. Oh, that's too late for you? How about an incredibly inconvenient location that your 8 month pregnant self will have to walk about 2 miles to reach? We can see you there on Wednesday.

Meanwhile, after a significant amount of pleading and trying to send me back to Apple, AT&T has offered to send me a Samsung Galaxy S5 for free. Reluctant as I may be... it looks like I'm making the switch. 

Friday Tidbits

• Yesterday was a Doctor filled day. 24 week visit for me! While I have a couple of weird and unpleasant things going on, they are (as usual) "normal" for pregnancy and there's basically nothing that can be done to fix it except give birth. So, my numb fingers and heart palpitations will remain in place until Thanksgiving. 
• I took Mia to the pediatrician later that afternoon after daycare told us that she had been going to the bathroom a lot more frequently than usual. My instinct was to chalk it up to drinking a lot of water/wanting attention, but after going through quite the adventure of getting her to pee in a cup, she's got a bladder infection! It doesn't actually seem to be bothering her much, with the exception of the increased bathroom use, so I'm not terribly worried about it and antibiotics should do the trick!
• This in-utero child is so much more violent than my first fetus. I don't know if it has something to do with being more aware of movement this time around, having a "looser" uterus, or what, but this child frequently kicks or headbutts me in the cervix and it is not pleasant. Without fail, after every meal, I have to lean back in my chair and give her room to trash about.
• I've been having some trouble with some anxiety. I'm about 99% sure that it's related to pregnancy hormones, but I take everything stressful so personally and have found myself getting physically worked up about it. It started a couple of weeks ago and has been going strong this week. Luckily, I was able to get some resolution to the stressful issue at work, but I'm getting the feeling that it won't be isolated to that single event. In my head, I can realize that I am overreacting, but I can't seem to tell my heart to relax.
• We decided at the very last minute to do a quick night out of town. We'll be spending one day and night at Big Bear Lake, in California. I'm looking forward to breathing some fresh air and enjoying the sounds of the lake.

Normalcy

My parents were here for just over three weeks. While it was a really nice visit, it really seemed like a long time. We made all sorts of tentative plans while they were still in China, but everything seemed to crumble as they got here. My brother, who lives in Chicago, couldn't get any confirmation on his time-off schedule, my Dad ended up having to have a couple of medical tests that had to be spaced out throughout their trip. B's work schedule was all thrown off with the changes he went through, too. So, in the end, it seems like we just hung out at the house for 3 weeks, with a couple of fun activities thrown in.

While we didn't actually do anything out of the ordinary, having both of your parents living in your house for several weeks will throw a wrench in your daily routine. They drove me to work nearly every morning and picked me up from work every afternoon, so they could have use of the car during the day. Not having a car at your disposal during the day doesn't seem like it would be a big deal, because 80% of the time, I stay at my office. But not having the option of driving off on my own whenever necessary was awfully disconcerting! First world problems and all, but it was really nice to drive myself to work, park my car in the parking lot, and know that I can drive to outside counsel's office today [not that I'll need to...].

Overall, it was a really nice visit. Lots of downtime, nothing was rushed, and I think my Dad really had himself a nice vacation from his pretty demanding job [and my Mom had a nice vacation from living in China, with multiple trips to Target and the Outlets thrown in for good measure]. Judging from his vacation beard, it must have been relaxing.

Now that my parents are gone and with the the sex of Baby #2 revealed (girl! if you missed it), I'm starting to focus on what we need to do to prepare for her arrival. There are very few things, but some will require some time (like taming Mia's tazmanian devil bedtime habits -- more on that in another post, I'm sure). It is weighing on my mind a bit that I still have over 4 months to go with this pregnancy, and that seems like an awfully long time right now. I'll have to start planning a couple of things between now and then to break up the time. My Mom will be back in mid-November, just before my due date, and my Dad and brother are planning on coming back for Christmas this year. Lots to look forward to, but for now, returning to normalcy sounds pretty good to me too.

Facebook Moms

Facebook, with all of its faults and criticisms, is a great source of entertainment. Generally, when I share something on Facebook, I think about it first. Something fun, exciting, Mia in her "better moments", etc. I think that most people think about their audience before they post something. The majority of us share cute pictures, funny stories, milestones. All of that is perfectly acceptable Facebook Mom behavior. Of course, you only share what you want to share. This will often create a certain kind of persona -- but some honesty will have no choice but to creep in. In my Facebook feed in particular, I have very specific personas who stand out above the rest.

1. The Stay at Home Mom who Overshares Parenting Tips:  She is a constant sharer. Articles on car seat safety, sales on items she likes at Zulily, Groupon deals for kid-centric activities, articles on potty training philosophies, pictures of her homemade baby food. It is constant. It is daily. But! She is also the Mom I messaged when looking for a new carseat - what did she find she liked best??

2. The First time Pregnant friend who has been trying to have a baby forever. I'm thrilled they finally got pregnant. Really, I'm very happy for her. But, her former Facebook persona as someone who shares inspirational quotes (via so and so fertility center) about overcoming hardships has turned into the weekly belly picture update, progress on the nursery, babymoon pictures, and of course, the countdown to her due date. She's incredibly excited, and probably doesn't think about much else. Of course, she should be, but I hope she doesn't turn into #4.

3. Smug New Mom. She posts asking for cloth diaper suggestions. She posts pictures of her and her husband in the swimming pool for their 5 month old daughter's swimming class. She posts about how great her nanny is. She asks for advice on pumping at work, and about her new gluten free/wheat free/dairy free/nut free/food free diet because of her daughter's allergies. She posts asking for opinions between the Acura and the Audi SUV. She posts photos of her baby-led weaning. And of course, the constant photo caption: So in love with my little one! I certainly hope so, lady. She and #1 Oversharing Mom would get along great, but they would never listen to each other's advice.

4. New Mom who is having a hard time. She's the opposite of Smug New Mom. She posts photos of her child (often cuter than Smug New Mom's child), captioned: "It's a good thing she's cute, because I haven't slept in 5 months". She posts apologies to her own Mom for the pain she inflicted on her 30 years ago. She posts about how she's looking forward to having an outpatient procedure done just for the recuperating time she gets. This Mom makes my heart hurt, because you can just feel how hard of a time she's having. You try to comment on her photos, remind her that she's doing a good job, and that this difficult time will pass. But, when it's confined to Facebook, it's often the best you can do.

5. The Only Posts Bad News Mom. Things seem to always be going wrong in that household, but it can't be all bad, all the time. She posts that her new baby is so sick! Going to the ER! And then... nothing. Did you move into the ER and stay forever? No, you have to send a message to find out the follow up. "Oh, it turned out fine. We're home!" Gee, thanks for keeping us all in the loop, lady.

I'm just kidding around here, OK? Don't take me (or yourself) too seriously.

Adult Friendships

An adult friendship is a complicated thing. Adult friendships don't start organically, the way they do when you are thrown into a dorm room, or a high school classroom. I'm not talking about the friendships that started there, and that we may have maintained through adulthood.

The other type, the type people that you meet as an adult, as a parent, as a co-worker. I've written about this before, how it's so weird and awkward to make friends with someone as an adult. When I wrote about it initially, I was still pretty new to Vegas, pretty new to parenting. But now, three years as a Las Vegas resident, and two and a half years as a parent, things are a bit different. Friendships have developed (slowly), but inherently, they are not the same kind of friendships. We've gotten to know and have spent some time with parents from Mia's daycare. We've spent some time with B's co-worker's and are spending Thanksgiving with some of them. I've gone to some knitting circles. I don't have room in my life for much more than that, casual friends, going out to dinner friends, holiday friends. [When communicating with these people, I always run my messages past B: "Am I coming on too strong with this invitation?" B always reminds me that we are NOT DATING. My thoughts, aren't we?] My head is full - full from the demands of having a family and a job. Unless you are related to me, or giving me a paycheck, I have very little time left to give to you every day. 

As a 30 year old woman, and probably more pointedly, mother, I've come to accept that the era of "hanging out with friends" just for the hell of it and without any planed activity has come to an end. You know how in high school, or in college, you'd just go over to someone's house, and sit around talking for hours and hours? Of course you could do that when you had little more than studying to worry about. I've accepted that doing this, sitting around and just talking, plus the shared idiotic experiences you have with these people, is how you really become friends.

Maybe some people can still make these types of friendships into adulthood/parenthood, but I think it's over for me. And I'm OK with that. My everyday life is full. I feel fulfilled. I have a lovely daughter, I have a husband who is still my favorite person to hang out with. I have hobbies that I dream about, that keep my hands happily occupied. But on Saturday afternoons, when Mia and I are home on our own because B is at work, I get pangs of loneliness. Doesn't anyone want to come over and just hang out with me?

Yet another tale of woe.

Shoes. I haven't bought them in several months. Other than the occasional purchase of the $14.99 shoe at Target, I haven't bought a proper pair of shoes, from a proper store for several months. Last spring, I bought a pair of Minnetonka Moccasins at DSW. I love them, I wear them at least once a weekend, and usually on casual Fridays to work.

Minnetonka Moccasins

This fall, I had decided to purchase a pair of booties. I wanted a pair of taupe booties, so that they would work with black and brown. This is the one I want, but at almost $90 and no coupons or gift cards, it had to be out of the running. Nevertheness, behold the beauty that is the Sole Society Kelsa Bootie.

Sole Society - Kelsa in Mushroom Fudge

I found a compromise, but in the wrong color. For $49.95, it was worth compromising on the color, but I wasn't quite ready to settle down just yet. I tried it on, it fit, but I couldn't commit.

Crown Vintage Carlton Bootie

After going back to take a second look at DSW.com, I searched for more in the same style and found another compromise. Despite the unappealing brand, at only $10 more, it was another consideration. And, with free shipping and the ability to make returns directly at the DSW store, I took the plunge and ordered this pair:

Fergalicious Lucid Bootie

In the pictures, I don't love it. I'm not sure what the deal is with the how the heel is kinda rounded in the back, and I don't love that the toe is rounded upward. But, it's worth a strut around the house. And I got the shipping notification this morning, and here's the woe part... it shipped to my address in Chicago!!

Apparently, DSW doesn't automatically updated your shipping and billing information when you update your home address, so while the home address was properly in Las Vegas, the shipping address was still my apartment in Chicago. Of course, I can't blame DSW entirely here, I should have double checked all the addresses before clicking, but I find it perfectly reasonable to check the "home address" section and assume it is all going out to the same place! WOE IS ME!

And more woe: DSW can't intercept and reroute the package, even though they are shipping through Fed Ex because..... I don't know and it's too upsetting to listen to why. Instead, I have to check the shipping status and HOPE that I manage to notify the post office between the time it is delivered to them and before they put it on the truck for delivery to my old apartment and my parents' tenant. I'm guessing that's not a huge window of time, and everyone knows how efficient it is to try and do anything through the post office over the telephone. I've sent an email to the tenant, and asked her to graciously REJECT my shoes if they get delivered to her house, so that they can be sent back to DSW and then to me. WOE IS ME!

So, there concludes my tale of woe. By my estimation, see you in 2 months, shoes. 

Fall TV line up

I will freely admit that the television is on in our house much, much too often. B loves movies. On his week days off, I'll come home and he'll have watched, three or four, in a row. He's not on his ass watching movie after movie after movie, his days are very productive, but always with movies on in the background.

I like movies, generally. I like sitting down on a Friday night after Mia's gone to sleep and watch whatever we have from Netflix (I think I am one of the last few people who still gets DVDs from Netflix). But, if it's up to me, I would much rather watch a TV show. My ideal way to watch TV is of course in the serial form, as I've discussed many a time. One after the other, and whenever I want. I've really come to love netflix original series. House of Cards isn't the only one anymore, you know! Orange is the New Black was great, I even liked Hemlock Grove. While Netflix series are great for the summer, the regular fall series are all coming back! 

Another great thing to watch during the summer? Cable TV. This summer, we watched The Newsroom, whose second season was not as great as the first, but wrapped itself up very nicely this weekend. We discovered the wonder that is HBO Go, so we watched the first and part of the second season of True Blood. We didn't bother finishing the second season, it started getting a bit annoying (with Sookie being ridiculously annoying). When we have about 100 hours free, we plan to re-watch all of the Sopranos. Also, guilty indulgence: the While Queen, on Starz which was based on the Philippa Gregory novels that I love. The series itself was not amazing, but seeing the books come to life is completely worth it.

And, since I know you've all been wondering, here is the lineup of regular tv shows that are going to be lined up on our DVR this fall:

How I met your Mother: If this wasn't in its last season, this would have been axed this year. It's been too many seasons of basically the same storyline. We liked it so much at the beginning, our Swarley's name is taken from an episode. And, at the end of last season, Marshall (the lawyer with about 2-3 years of experience) got offered a judgeship, and that is just WRONG, so they almost got the boot. You have been warned, HIMYM. Wrap it up nicely.

Modern Family: steadily funny, reliable. Not one that gets watched immediately, but once we do get around to playing it, we're always glad we did.

Parks and Rec: A couple of years ago, this was the funniest show on TV. It may very well still be. Amy Poehler and Aziz Ansari are seriously magical.

New Girl: Brian likes this show more than I do, probably because he (like all other guys 28+) lurves Zooey Deschanel. He also likes Schmitt as much as I love Tom Haverford.

Walking Dead: By far, the show that I am most excited to see start up again. It's much more satisfying when watched serially, but last season we really looked forward to Sunday nights specifically for it. It starts October 13th, and really, should be great. Though the hopeless negativity better ease up a little bit, or it's going to start to get too exhausting to watch.

American Horror Story, Coven: Okay, so I didn't watch Asylum because I caught on to American Horror Story too late to catch up, but the beauty of this show is that every season has a completely independent story line. So, watching Murder House on Netflix gave me just enough of a taste to know that I am definitely, 100% watching Coven. The previews hint to almost nothing, but are so creepy!

The Mindy Project: actually a new addition to our DVR this year. We watched a couple of episodes here and there last season, and it was always funny, but somehow we never got around to recording it. Mindy Kaling is seriously hilarious in such a smart, self-deprecating and ditzy way. I read her book last year, and was THAT girl laughing out loud at subway while eating my lunch. So, it has earned a spot on the DVR.

New shows that are going to get a try: The Goldbergs on ABC, Brooklyn Nine Nine, Andy Samberg's new show, Super Fun Night, Rebel Wilson's new show. Anyone else looking forward to anything this fall?

Pillow Talk

My husband, who normally, is the person who keeps everything together, sighed heavily that he was stressed, just as we were turning out the lights. He hides his stress, and he usually hides it well. He handles our money, and our bank account was low and waiting desperately for my paycheck to clear (spoiler alert, it cleared and we are no longer low... until next time). Nearly 6 months ago, he was told that he would very soon be considered for this promotion, and just last week, he was finally given the go-ahead to officially apply. So he did, and now a week and a half later, he feels like he's back to the position he was 6 months ago... just waiting without much encouragement.

At times like this, the only way a couple can function is if the other party is the strong one - everyone gets their turn to reassure the other, everything will be just fine. But with the day I had yesterday, with one financial blow (at work) after the next, I wasn't feeling like the strong one. I had a day of planning out contingencies in case my Company shuts down: I'd get unemployment, we'd have to ask for forbearance on our loans, we'd keep my small car, we'd cancel daycare, etc. But, I did my best as the strong one. Reminding him that it had been less than 10 days since he put his application in, and they wouldn't have asked you to apply if they weren't considering you, there must be something bigger going on right now that they have to deal with, etc.

And then, I reminded him that none of it is real. If the society shut down (Walking Dead , or Lost style!), job promotions and credit ratings and car payments, all of that disappears because it just... isn't real. Remember what's important - moments like Mia running around our hallway in her diaper before her bath, taking turns roaring at us, and us taking turns pretending to be scared. The Giggles (capitalized, because they were GIGGLES) and Joy and Fun. As long as the three of us are together, under one roof, warm, healthy and together. That's what happiness is, and if we lost that, then you should be stressed.

As, as if on cue, Mia, in all her toddler glory, started crying from her bedroom and asking to come "In dair, bed", we let our sleep training guard down and plobbed her tiny warm body between us and went to sleep smelling her clean baby hair.

And then... of course at 3 am, when she yanked on my earring, deeply regretted our decision.

Happy just Being

Our little family of three is getting comfortable in our little life. We're getting settled into the new house. A couch is on its way and should be delivered next Saturday. My parents bought us a dining table as an early birthday/christmas/every gift they may want to give us in 2013, so that is also on its way. We've got paint samples on the walls, and we are waiting for the time to undertake that kind of project to present itself. We're ready to stay put for at least five years; we're not interested in buying ourselves and having my parents as landlords is basically the same thing anyway.

Mia's transition to the two year old room has gone smoothly, especially since they spent about 80% of the day outside with the rest of the school, so she still sees her younger friends regularly. She is piecing together sentences. "Cheese!" has turned into "I want cheese... Please?". Now that she's a couple of months away from two, it seems like we're inching our way out of babydom, which is both relieving and tragic. She needs less from us, on a basic level, but more at the same time. More mindfulness about what we say, how we say it, and act how we generally want her to act. Her decided move towards childhood has made me realize 100% that our family would benefit from an addition. I've always said that I wouldn't consider a second baby until my first was no longer one herself, and it seems that I'm quite true to my word. She's not quite out of the baby stage yet, so I'm not quite in the "trying" stage yet either. We'll save that one for 2014 and just... stay comfortable (and by that I mean nausea-free) until the end of 2013. Though obviously, there is a blog post brewing in my head with an endless list of reasons I worry about bringing a second child into the fold.

We're on the brink of other new things for 2013. I've got the Bar Exam coming up, but it hasn't interfered with our lives yet (aka I'm not stuck to an outline and note cards, but will be in 30 days or so). Professionally, my goal would be not to close out the year in my current position. I'm looking at all possible Las Vegas options - hopefully being licensed opens up the possibility of working in a law office, firm, or in the legal department somewhere, or even not in the legal department somewhere. Either way, turning in my bar application is a more proactive step then I've taken in the past (because, let's face it... complaining about it is not a proactive step). But for now, I'm doing what needs to be done at my current job. Work is steady without being demanding, and paychecks are coming though still delayed. B is supposed to be transitioning into a management training program. We haven't heard anything official, but all signs point to "soon", but either way, knowing that he is moving towards a management position is enough to make his work satisfying.

Doesn't everyone in Vegas celebrate with some Cosmic Bowling?

It seems like the first time in ages that I am willing to consider adding anything to our plates. Though Motherhood in itself came to me easily, shifting the rest of my life around it has not. A task as short-term as painting the walls would never have been on my list - my instinct would have been to envision Mia demanding to be picked up as I was covered in paint, and my second instinct would have been to picture Mia covered in said paint. The same is true for B - any challenges he may have had in the beginning of fatherhood have adjusted themselves. We're both parents, and we're both comfortable as parents. I no longer count down until bedtime - relaxing while Mia is awake is finally possible. I think this has more to do with my progress as a Mom than with Mia's progress.

Now, let's finish up with a birthday shout-out, shall we? Happy Birthday, Juliet!

Creative Frustration

When I was a kid, I was obsessed with the thought of finding "my thing". I thought, there has to be something out there that I'm really good at, that would make me so happy that I never wanted for anything else. I took all the lessons: singing, dancing, martial arts, ice skating, etc to infinity. I needed to try everything that sounded interesting, so that I could find It. I never found it. I did, and do many things, but that It still alludes me. Not that I'm trying particularly hard to find it, anymore.

At this point, I have embraced a few things that I honestly do for the sake of enjoyment. My three hobbies. I knit (a lot). I make my bracelets. I blog. I spend as much time as I can doing these things, in addition to the regular, never ending, everyday things that must be done. You know, for life. But, the part of me that was always seeking to be really good at something still isn't satisfied. I look at knitting patterns that are way above my comprehension level, and instead of rationally telling myself that I will get there in a few years, I get frustrated that I can't spend more than two hours knitting to get there faster. I read knitting blogs and get frustrated that I'm not designing patterns the way those knitters are. It's irrational frustration. Relax, enjoy the process of getting there. Of course you're not designing patterns - you're just learning! And ps, you're 29 while most of these knitters are not, so imagine where you'll be when you're a grandmother!

It's the same thing with Beads, comparing my little shop to other shops with thousands of sales. Calm down. Of course you don't have a thousand sales! You don't have the inventory. You've made about 40 bracelets and gotten about 25 sales - that's not bad for the amount you can produce!

Other blogs though, don't. There are so many amazing blogs out there. I read lots of blogs, almost exclusively Moms with young children blogs, who clearly spend lots of time editing and formatting their spaces. They are beautiful and write beautifully and I love reading them. There are so many - I feel like a discover a new site every day. There's BlogHer, and Babble and all sorts of other places for these Moms and writers to do what they do best. And while I envy their abilities, I'm just glad to be very small part of it all. I don't do what they do, and I don't even aspire to do what they do. I'm just glad they're doing it. I like to think of these blogs as BigMommyBlogs, whereas those of us who don't even own our own URLs, we're just along for the ride. (Look for my new favorites linked to throughout this last paragraph, if you're interested in some BigMommyBlogs). 

Behind the scenes

Our life, save the financial trouble caused by late paychecks, has been pretty dandy for the past few months. New house, weight loss successes, good weekends are probably to thank for our overall decent moods. We are happy, we get along, we laugh. This morning, before leaving for work and for no apparent reason, B and I had a sometimes-screaming fight.

Bloggers (or Facebookers, Instragrammers, or Tweeters) don't usually document these moments in their lives. We get snippets, moments that people want to share with their friends and families. We are told that every couple fights. Fighting is normal! But you never really know, do you? Except for those rare and awkward moments when you get a small glimpse into someone's real domestic life when your sister in law snaps at her husband in front of you, there isn't the opportunity to find out what a "happy" couple's fights look like. So, in the interest of being candid, here is our latest.

B has the day off. He had to take Mia to the pediatrician for a follow up appointment to make sure the month-long strep/ear infection/scarlett fever had gone away completely. I had to get myself ready for work. This small break in our routine apparently set things in motion making both of us irrationally angry with one another. Having a kid makes a household of two working parents and a baby who attends daycare desperately in need of a routine, and this is something we rely on heavily to get us all out to our respective locations as necessary. This morning, my train of thought was that since he was off, he'd take over all the Mia duties. And his train of thought was that since he had to leave the house at roughly the same time, I would keep my routine exactly as normal to get Mia ready in time. The smallest lack of communication is almost always the culprit in our house.

Instead of simply saying, "Honey, are you good to get Mia ready before the Doctor?", or him "Honey, will you be able to get Mia ready for the Doctor?", we both just assume the other is okay with what is going on in the other person's head, and phrases like "Mia is almost 2. How do you not know what goes in her lunch?" or "Are you just sitting and watching the Today Show instead of getting ready for work?" get thrown around. Even worse, our morning at home ends with "I hope you do NOT enjoy your day off", and "You'll be really sorry if I get in a car accident".

Followed of course with some "I'm sorry, I overreacted." text messages about 20 minutes later.

Stupid Realizations: the Public Library Rocks.

So, I'm not sure why I've been such an idiot for my entire adult life, but after a particularly hellish morning trying to figure out what to do regarding my 9 day late paycheck (which I did manage to get, by the way. Except today it's payday again and well, that's not happening. AGAIN.), I really wanted some new books. Real books, not Kindle ones, that I could flip through.

My first instinct was of course, Costco. The last time we went there for our monthly diapers, wipes, fruit cups, applesauce run, I wistfully looked at the book section but the impatient toddler pointing to the applesauce box and demanding "appu" got me back on track pretty quickly. Besides, that table was dominated by Fifty Shades of Grey (I have read the first 50 Shades, which I borrowed from my Mother of all people - I finished the first book and read about 3 pages of the second book before confirming that I couldn't stand it).

Then after trying to figure out where the closest Barnes and Noble was to our new neighborhood and realizing that it's actually not at all close, I had the brilliant (for me) thought of looking up the Clark County Public Library. OMG. I'm so SMRT. You can have as many books as you want without paying for them? Brilliant.

I filled out the application for a library card online, found the closest location to my house and decided to browse. I got super excited and had a huge list by the time I was ready to leave, but I couldn't possibly read all of these in the 3 weeks they give you. So yeah, I ended up with an indulgent Philippa Gregory book (The White Queen, part of the Cousin's War series about the Platagenets), which I've always loved reading and a book of knitting patterns. I also learned that for the more popular books, there is a waiting list. So, that's fine. I'm on the list for JK Rowling's new book, Mindy Kaling's book, and the Song of Fire and Ice series that HBO's Game of Thrones is based on, and a few others that I don't even remember. This morning, I just got an email that the Game of Thrones is available, so I'm REALLY EXCITED.

I'm heading over there and spending no money after I don't get my paycheck after work today.

Silence

There are no words. I worked from home on Friday, so I had the television on and learned about the shooting in Sandy Hook very early in the day. Alone in my house, with my daughter in a bright happy daycare, I watched and listened. I cried in the shower, thinking of my storage closet with the gifts from Santa waiting to be wrapped and put under the tree. Realizing that those poor parents probably had the same stash.

I can't and won't write more on it. Whatever I start to write sounds trite. But this morning, as my healthy and happy daughter sat in my warm lap, on my bed for 10 minutes watching morning cartoons, I didn't want to interrupt these few minutes of peace to go about with the rest of our morning routine. Her sweet smelling hair, the feel of her chubby belly under my arm, the softness of her cheek against my neck. I appreciate these more than ever, and I promise that I will remember to appreciate her, always.

Post Apocalyptic Nonsense

When I was a kid, I would hyperventilate at the Planetarium when I tried to wrap my brain around the idea that the universe went on forever. It freaked me out to think of earth, and of myself, as a tiny spec in the grand scheme of things. I'm not sure you can call it an existential crisis when it happens to an 11 year old, but there you have it.

Nowadays, the same type of feelings spring up when something big happens. In this case, Hurricane Sandy. Of course, I worry about my friends on the East Coast, and I'm sure everything will be fine as long as everyone stays safe. But when I look out my window and see not a single cloud in the sky, my heart rate quickens a tiny bit at the thought of how far away we really are from our friends and family scattered throughout the country, and in a lot of cases, the world. The physical vastness of the planet (and the Universe!) compared to what our bodies are physically capable of freaks me out. Mainly, it scares me that, should something like the Day After Tomorrow happen, our little family wouldn't be able to strap on some hiking boots and rejoin the rest of our family because we are just too far away.

Before this post takes a turn for the far too serious, let me disclose that B and I have been serially watching the Walking Dead all weekend anytime Mia is asleep. We have about 8 episodes left to go before we are totally caught up and can start watching what is currently airing on AMC. Ever since the days that I got majorly into Lost, about 50% of the thoughts I have while watching an apocalyptic style show (Lost, Revolution - which I watched 2 episodes of before giving up because I didn't like the main character) are somewhat wistful about how much simpler life would be if something like that would happen. Not so much in the case of the Walking Dead -- I do not fantasize about living in a world where there are zombies ready to eat you around every corner. But a world without electricity, or marooned on a tropical island? Sure.

The reason anyone can actually go away from home for anything is that it's easy to stay in touch. It was easy to pick up the phone or sign into AIM back in college, and it is even easier now to sign into Skype and have an actual face to face conversation with your parent, or make sure your child knows her grandparents' faces. It's easy to get on a plane and visit your grandmother for Christmas, so that she can see her great-grandchild. All of it is easy, and when I have my existential crises, at least I'm reminded not to take it for granted.

Because, it may come a day when there are flesh eating zombies preventing me from getting on a plane for a friend's wedding. But probably not. Until then, everyone on the East Coast stay safe!

To do list: One big check mark

I have told you repeatedly about how we've definitely outgrown our apartment. 

The top item on our to-do list for October was: Find a house to rent.

Criteria: 3 bedrooms, 2 baths. Tile or laminate in living areas. Small back yard. Closer to daycare. 

and.... DONE.

Remember how I told you about my Mom coming to stay for about a month? Well, I guess before she left China, my parents had decided to invest in another rental property. They already have one condo in Chicago, one that I used to live in and rent from them. Evidently, they are liking their status as Landlords, because they had decided to buy a second condo in Chicago.

When my Mom got here, I told her that we'd be moving on December 1st, and that while she was here, I'd like to go out and look at a few rental houses. My parents LOVE looking at houses, even if they aren't in the market to buy. When we lived in Chicago, one of their weekend hobbies was going to Open Houses. ("It's an Open House! They WANT you to come see the house"). I wasn't really surprised when my Mom showed quite a bit of enthusiasm and browsed the listings that I had received from our rental broker. 

One or two nights later, evidently having lots of time to think and Skype with my father overnight fighting jet lag, my Mom asks: "Would you guys like having us as Landlords?" Wait, what? 

After a couple more discussion points, the answer was a very enthusiastic Yes.

So, all last week, I came in to work late, left early, had extended lunches and was very busy on my weekday off to meet up with our Realtor and various houses around the Valley. Some old, some new. Some big, some small. House #1 was in perfect condition, but a bit smaller than I'd hoped with little storage. Not a deal-breaker, I told Mom. If this works for you, it works for us. But, it felt too soon in the process to make an offer. What if there was something bigger, with more storage, that was just as nice? 

A dozen houses later, a couple more fit the bill. One with a very large backyard, with real grass. The thought of us having to water and mow a lawn in the desert was giving me secret palpitations. Another in an ideal location was tempting, but the zero outdoor space not great. Both off the market by the time we got home from lunch that day. 

And then Friday morning, we had one last appointment. We liked the pictures, we liked the location. Mom says, if we like it in person, I have my checkbook in my purse. We walked in, saw all-tile floors, a small but big-enough back yard, an upgraded kitchen and before we even went upstairs to the bedrooms, Mom was already reaching in her bag. 3 bedrooms, 1500 square feet, 10 minutes from B's work and daycare. Our only compromise is a 1 car garage, but that is very easy to ignore when I look at the gleaming kitchen counters and seemingly endless cabinet space.

For now, I only have this picture of Mia approving of the banisters. Also, see, no carpets!

Closing is scheduled for October 31st, which means we have a leisurely 30 days to move out of the apartment and into the house. I am so excited for Halloween this year.

Guilty Pleasure: Team One F Jef

You Guys. Have you been watching the Bachelorette? If so, and you haven't watched last night's Fantasy Suite episode yet, how in the world have you held out this long, stop reading this and go watch it. Well, don't. I won't give anything away from last night's episode, just the final three. If you don't watch it, you do not know the excitement you are missing. I may have been complaining the other day that my life is not exciting, but on Mondays, it's about all that this girl can take.

On Mondays, B picks Mia up from daycare so that I can get dinner started. They get home, we hang out, chat, read books and play. Then, dinner time. We eat, then usually Skype with Mom. Then, at promptly 7:45 (other days, I am flexible on her bedtime and let her tell me when she's getting tired), it's time to start our bedtime routine. Bath, pajamas, bottle, snuggle, and by 8:05, bed. I had straight to the kitchen, salt the rim of my margarita glass, pour myself some Skinny Girl and settle in for 2 hours of indulgence.

I've told you before, I'm obsessed with this show. No matter the quality of the main person, there always seem to be one or two or three awesome "contestants" that I cannot get enough of. In retrospect, I can admit that some seasons are less exciting for me, but in the moment, there is nothing that I could enjoy more than watching an episode, if I was covered in puppies, drinking margaritas and eating sushi rolls with a side of cilantro dipped in chocolate on a beach while getting my feet rubbed.

So, let's talk substance: Emily Maynard. I'll acknowledge that she was slightly boring on Brad's season, but I liked her. She's so pretty, sweet, has an awesome wardrobe that I want to steal/fit into, and is genuinely likeable to the point that viewers (at least me) will want her to be happy. This time, her excitement level hasn't picked up much, but we've gotten to know her a lot more than the others because there weren't as many distractions. Helicopters! Tightropes! Rappelling! Waterfalls! were few and far between. There was mostly a lot of walking around old castles and talking. I'm fine with it, it was still riveting.

Let's talk about the guys: the final three were not surprising. From the very beginning, it was obvious which three guys would be left standing for the overnight dates. They are all three awesome. Sean: incredibly good-looking, admittedly slightly boring. All-American hot! Similar to Emily! Arie: OMG so much charming. European-American hot! Jef: Also charming, but in a weird and quirky way. To me, he's excellent. He's too cool for normal suits, he has skinny pants suits. He probably bought them at Banana Republic when they were selling their Mad Men collection. Weird hot! I vote for Jef, but in the end, any of the three guys who do NOT get picked by Emily could be great as the next Bachelor. [I may have said that about Ben from Ashley's season -- I was totally wrong. He was awful. ABC, don't make another mistake].

What are your guilty pleasure shows?

Show me some appreciation. PLEASE!

I started to post the following on Facebook and it got way too long and personal. I must say it's late though and my eyes won't stop closing, so we'll see how long I can hold out. Anyway, it's pretty self explanatory, but if you find yourself with any questions, don't hesitate to leave a comment. Thanks! :)

"Have you ever had such a roller coaster day that ended in a plummet, not a fun uphill climb or wacky twist? And you went for support from a particular loved one but they just zoned out in their own little world? Usually its innocent enough, but I just can't take it tonight! So here's what I hope can happen to get me out of my funk:

Who in Vegas and Henderson loves sushi like I do? Join me! I am gonna waste away if I don't get a fix of 808 Sushi and it's owner Dean soon! Hopefully this weekend. Hoping for happy hour when it's cheaper. Any takers? Frenchie? B? DG? JG? (Or girls night out and boys play with the kids?) But sadly happy hour menu is just rolls and apps, and I know how you four love your Nigiri. (And I like some of it there too actually.) You could also to buy that at regular price or choose AYCE. And I mean I'm not opposed to going for regular AYCE time too. Someone just has to volunteer to call Romeo and convince him to take me out. Extol upon him my superb qualities. That I'm a wonderful wife and the best mother ever and I deserve a night out on the town, at least a night with friends and sushi. Still no luck? Let's all hang this weekend but call it a cheepo lazy ass weekend and not do much of anything but let the kids play and order cheap pizza and drink cocktails, wine, and beer, yes? No? If you can twist my hubby's arm, I can even volunteer the house for the gathering. Do you think you could try to convince my man of that? Whatever you do--penalty of death if you reveal to him that I put you up to this! But what are friends for? In my case I need them to convince my husband how f-ing great I am, all I do, and that I deserve a night of raw fish and friends. (Or at the very least board games, movies, and friends. Are we too old for a retro sleep-over? The kids could sleep in Tybalt's room!) Help me get this off the ground with him! Oh, and now that my ramble's over, really, any local LV or Henderson friends who like sushi are welcome to come and make new friends with us and enjoy good food!"

"I probably need to clarify. I love my husband more than life itself. And most times he is a saint. But sometimes he is a saint to everyone else around us and can get too busy and caught up to remember me. Today was a big scary doctor appointment for me. It ended up going better than anyone could have expected, and I thought when I told him he'd jump for joy. (This is a serious issue with my health that we have been battling together for a couple years.) Instead I got a half-ear listen as he had some action movie on the tv, volume raised to a ridiculous level for early evening.

I now expect some flack regarding venting my frustrations. (Possibly here, but a reminder this was originally a fb post and we have hundreds of mutual friends on there. I have edited the entry there but part is still up. So we shall see.. what kid of crap I have to defend on fb after this. :( ) And I could honestly see why one might berate me--He is the best guy ever--no argument there. So while I concede to take your and their comments warmly and will mull them over and not dismiss, please try to give me an equal chance and respect, keeping in mind that being his wife and son's mother is a different skill set and a whole new ride. When you live with someone 24/7 sometimes you just see things others don't. Some of those are awesome and you feel blessed that only you bear witness to the moments, and some are the nitty gritties that you just need to vent and release so that you can start fresh and anew, which of course is healthy. Romeo is a blessing from God to all in his life. I won't discount your fond stories. 99.9% of the time mine are fond as well, I just ask a favor that you don't attack me for feeling tired and vulnerable and having to admit that I wish there are some things he could work on. He is my everything, but sometimes I wish he'd realize that in these last 2 years we are not just a family of 2--Him and Ty, but rather a family of 3 that includes me. (And in that way, sometimes I have needs and desires that mean he better find a sitter so we can spend time fostering the relationship that is just us.)"

Blog Baby Boom

There were two births this past week (I believe both were July 4th, actually!) in the blogs-I-follow world. Cristy had Gloria, and Michelle Au over at the Underwear Drawer had Nina. I've been keeping a close eye on their blogs for the past few days, just waiting to hear news. It's funny, because despite having no communication with these two women outside of reading their blogs and occasional comments, I'm genuinely happy for their expanding families.

I know there are have been other births in the blog-world since my own, many many more, actually, but these are the first that have elicited any kind of response from my own uterus. I think I might feel a twinge of baby-fever coming from down there, albeit a low-grade one. It seems easy enough to explain, these two births are perfectly timed with Mia beginning her departure from baby-hood. At a forth of July party we went to on Wednesday, there was a 10 month old baby that we spent a few minutes with. It's amazing what a difference just 4 months make in a baby's development; it made me miss having a little cuddly bundle. It's been 13 months and a few days since my own labor and delivery, and evidently, that's the amount of time it takes for me to think back on my time at the hospital (and the following weeks of difficulties) with any amount of fondness. Actually, it's probably around this time last year that I started being comfortable moving again.

I've said before that I didn't have a complicated pregnancy, labor, or delivery. I had a vaginal delivery, with only about 30 minutes of pushing. But, because Mia's arm was up around her face instead of down alongside her body, I got third degree tears. Mia came out before my Doctor made it into the delivery room, so there was nobody to do an episiotomy. These are not so uncommon, but extremely uncomfortable and slow to heal (for me), so the six weeks after delivery were slow and painful. I blame my difficulty losing weight and exercising now to my 6 weeks of complete inactivity during my maternity leave. It's nothing compared to what a lot of people go through, but hey, it was tough on me.

But now? I'm OK with what happened. And yes, the tearing is likely to happen again, but at least if/when there is a second time around, we'll be ready for it. So far, I have had ZERO desire for a second child, except for not wanting Mia to be an only child. But that hasn't seemed like reason enough. To have a second child, it has to be more than just wanting to give your first child something that you find important. You have to want more people in your family! B and I continued to talk as if there would be a second child, making plans to upsize our car in 2013, buying a new carseat for Mia with the intention of reusing her infant one for #2. But in the back of my mind, it's always been an "if".

There are people close to me who I know want another child, but for one reason or another, are unable to, or have been unable to so far. My sister in law and her husband have been having difficulties conceiving #2, even though #1 was conceived in their first month of trying. It's hard to talk about my own past struggle with whether I want another one since my friends either 1)have no babies, or 2)want more, but can't. And also, because of how difficult her struggle has been, I guess I don't want to put my decision off too long. I don't want to wait the three years that we want between our kids, only to find out that we will have trouble with #2 also. Of course, there are questions. Whether we can afford another daycare bill, whether I can take another, longer maternity leave, whether we think we have enough energy to devote to raising a second baby. But finally, I am starting to feel confident that yes, we'll plan on having more. I can do it. I want to do it.

Just not yet. We'll just have to hope for the best, but our family is not ready for a second addition.

Idealized Summer

Between constantly being sick, and the above 100 degree temperatures and scorching sunlight of Las Vegas, I realized that we're in quite a bit of a rut.

I realized this as a I glanced over at my husband, who was doing something on his computer while the Matrix 2 was playing. I was sitting on the couch finishing an epic bracelet. Mia was already asleep. This is the same scene that plays out almost every weeknight in our living room. Something on TV (plus, now that it's summer all the good TV is in reruns), B is on his laptop, while I make jewelry/knit/work on my Etsy Shop. It was Sunday night, we had already done our chores for the day, stocked our refrigerator for the week. I asked what he was up to, and almost dramatically, he said "Just waiting for bedtime, I guess". It hit me how depressing that sounds.

We have big summer plans. We bought a membership to the Springs Preserve, with the full intention of going at least once a month. We haven't gone back since, because... HOT. We are going to take a weekend trip to LA, but don't want to deal with hassle of boarding the dogs now that we've lost our go-to college student dog sitter. We are going to spend a night at a Vegas hotel with a fabulous pool towards the end of the summer when Mia is more steady on her feet, but it seems like the hotel prices aren't dipping below $125 which was our cut off. I still think we'll make all three items happen.

There always seem like so many excuses not to do something out of the ordinary. My husband is a home body. The baby shouldn't be out in the heat for long. The dogs. Gas. Money. We talk about ordinary things: carseats, soy milk, Netflix queues, what our next car should be sometime in 2013.

In reality, we don't sit at home that much on the weekends. We went to Costco (soymilk and baby wipes), Babies R Us (more Playtex Dropins for Daycare), the grocery store, Frys (new mouse). In fact, that afternoon, we had spent an hour or so at our complex's pool. We went out to dinner on Friday, and walked around the mall. I even drank a margarita and bought a skirt! Last week, we had a visitor. We went to a wine tasting. Somehow, in that moment, none of that seemed exciting enough. Because it's not very exciting. It's life! Weekends in a family of two working parents are inevitably going to stuffed full of errands that pile up during the week. Weeknights are about cleaning up after dinner, picking up baby toys, and getting ready for the next morning, and oh yeah, resting.

In about a month, I'll be boarding a plane LaGuardia-bound with Mia for a visit with my college roommates, then spending a few days with my Aunt, and then heading to Chicago for another wedding, where B will meet us.. I'm sure by the time I'm a few days into single parenting Mia, I'll be daydreaming about my rut.