There were two births this past week (I believe both were July 4th, actually!) in the blogs-I-follow world. Cristy had Gloria, and Michelle Au over at the Underwear Drawer had Nina. I've been keeping a close eye on their blogs for the past few days, just waiting to hear news. It's funny, because despite having no communication with these two women outside of reading their blogs and occasional comments, I'm genuinely happy for their expanding families.
I know there are have been other births in the blog-world since my own, many many more, actually, but these are the first that have elicited any kind of response from my own uterus. I think I might feel a twinge of baby-fever coming from down there, albeit a low-grade one. It seems easy enough to explain, these two births are perfectly timed with Mia beginning her departure from baby-hood. At a forth of July party we went to on Wednesday, there was a 10 month old baby that we spent a few minutes with. It's amazing what a difference just 4 months make in a baby's development; it made me miss having a little cuddly bundle. It's been 13 months and a few days since my own labor and delivery, and evidently, that's the amount of time it takes for me to think back on my time at the hospital (and the following weeks of difficulties) with any amount of fondness. Actually, it's probably around this time last year that I started being comfortable moving again.
I've said before that I didn't have a complicated pregnancy, labor, or delivery. I had a vaginal delivery, with only about 30 minutes of pushing. But, because Mia's arm was up around her face instead of down alongside her body, I got third degree tears. Mia came out before my Doctor made it into the delivery room, so there was nobody to do an episiotomy. These are not so uncommon, but extremely uncomfortable and slow to heal (for me), so the six weeks after delivery were slow and painful. I blame my difficulty losing weight and exercising now to my 6 weeks of complete inactivity during my maternity leave. It's nothing compared to what a lot of people go through, but hey, it was tough on me.
But now? I'm OK with what happened. And yes, the tearing is likely to happen again, but at least if/when there is a second time around, we'll be ready for it. So far, I have had ZERO desire for a second child, except for not wanting Mia to be an only child. But that hasn't seemed like reason enough. To have a second child, it has to be more than just wanting to give your first child something that you find important. You have to want more people in your family! B and I continued to talk as if there would be a second child, making plans to upsize our car in 2013, buying a new carseat for Mia with the intention of reusing her infant one for #2. But in the back of my mind, it's always been an "if".
There are people close to me who I know want another child, but for one reason or another, are unable to, or have been unable to so far. My sister in law and her husband have been having difficulties conceiving #2, even though #1 was conceived in their first month of trying. It's hard to talk about my own past struggle with whether I want another one since my friends either 1)have no babies, or 2)want more, but can't. And also, because of how difficult her struggle has been, I guess I don't want to put my decision off too long. I don't want to wait the three years that we want between our kids, only to find out that we will have trouble with #2 also. Of course, there are questions. Whether we can afford another daycare bill, whether I can take another, longer maternity leave, whether we think we have enough energy to devote to raising a second baby. But finally, I am starting to feel confident that yes, we'll plan on having more. I can do it. I want to do it.
Just not yet. We'll just have to hope for the best, but our family is not ready for a second addition.