In which I become a single parent (for 4 days) plus bullets.

• I was so focused on our big trip, that I totally forgot to anxiously work myself up for B's little training trip to Arizona this week. He leaves today, and doesn't come back until Friday night. 4 whole days! I certainly hope the garbage doesn't fill up in that amount of time, or I will be very grumpy when I carry it twenty feet to the outside garbage. I didn't get married to take out my own garbage! Anyway, it's not much of a big deal, right? I realize that there are parents who do this, all the time, with many more children. But you know, it's new to me and all that.

• Also? It turns out that I have to do some serious CLE programs as a 1st year licensed Nevada attorney. Something involving a development plan, a mentor, and completing an unheard of number of hours doing things like "Discuss techniques for finding a balance between career and personal life, putting daily pressures in perspective, reconciling job expectations with actual experience." I'll fill that one in with "See Blog". I met my mentor late last week, and she seems very knowledgeable, though somewhat impatient. She seemed pretty annoyed that I came in to this meeting completely unaware of the program, but I will make up for it in our next discussion about "substance abuse and mental health issues, including possible warning signs of substance abuse or mental health issues" (another requirement). 
• Otherwise, we were all sick (again). I got myself another ear infection. Apparently, it can be a thing in adults too. Ear infections every time you get a cold. Mia has just started to get over hear automatic ear infection every time she has any congestion, so now, it's my turn. 

• We bought Mia a twin bed, and it got delivered late last week. The first few days were absolutely without issue,  but last night, she started asking to get back in her crib. We left the crib in the room, though we bought the gate back onto it. In my opinion, it should be disassembled and brought back down to the garage, but B thinks we should keep it in the room because of the BUGS. In the long run, I will win this argument. But for now, I'm letting him think I believe his reason is good.

Swearing in Ceremony, and general update.

Tomorrow, I am getting sworn in to practice in Nevada. I'm excited, a lot more excited for this one then the first one. I'm not sure why, since nothing is essentially going to "change" in my life once I re-swear to uphold the Constitutions. But, B was able to get the afternoon off work, and there's a little reception afterwards, so it should be a lovely afternoon. We'll leave Mia at daycare until after the ceremony, because, let's face it, it probably isn't the place for a two year old.

Mia, in the midst of serious 2 year old drama.

It was actually a bit touch and go for me to take part in the swearing in ceremony. There were some delays in processing my application, and the State Bar had put a hold on my application. I wasn't even planning on attending the ceremony as of Monday, but thankfully it was resolved quickly and all is well. Something to do with matching up my maiden/married name on my law school transcripts and Illinois admissions.

Otherwise, we haven't had much going on (hence the lack of posting). I've been knitting like a crazy person in preparation for the Xmas. November 5th, and I'm about 2 down on the list of around 20 knitted gifts (mostly infinity scarves, hats and some household items). I'm completing a project once every three days or so, and a couple that I intended to keep for myself (or Mia) are... not going to be kept. I can always make more in January!


OH! And take a look at my Etsy shop for some of my new items!

Good news all around.

The NV Bar Exam? I passed it. No big deal.

Of course, now comes the flood of thoughts regarding finding a new job. I'm applying, for sure, and hopefully not completely in vain. My boss was thrilled and offered me a vague raise. I say vague because there was no number, and no time frame. Just kind of: "Oh, I'll have to start paying you more now that you're licensed in two states! As soon as we get a bigger patient load." Right. Still, it's nice to hear.

Oh, and also, my Tale of Woe? Also resolved. While I did not get my shoes, because I did not intercept the package between FedEx dropping it off at the local post office, and it going on the mail carrier's truck, I was able to get in touch with my parents' tenant, who kindly 'rejected' the package. So, they are on their way back to DSW, and DSW has already processed by refund. So, I am bootie-less, but happy with the customer service conclusion.

One of those fall asleep on your face kind of moods

This weekend was not great. For not one particular reason, but just a combination of kind of crappy things that just kind of... made me have a minor meltdown / explosion.

Since we removed Mia's crib railing, she's stopped taking her habitual 2 hour midday nap. She still naps, but she won't be down for nearly long enough to make it count. It's probably that when the crib railing was up, she'd wake up a few times during those two hours, but doze back off to sleep when she got bored. Now, she'll wake up and get up out of bed on her own and play quietly in her room for a while. It's nice, for us, to still have that little break in the middle of the day, but the less than 45 minutes she's down means that by around 5 o'clock, she's in a near meltdown state. I'd like to think that I am normally pretty levelheaded and patient with her when she's like this. I'll let her have her tantrum, ignore it, and she'll come back to me once she's done, saying "Ma (I'm) okay now, Mama" and climb on my lap to recover. But this Saturday, I found that I actually had to remove myself from the room while she was inconsolable. I sent her to her timeout mat, and marched straight up to my bedroom and planted myself face down on the length of the bed, and stayed there until I actually fell asleep. I woke up 40 minutes later, completely stunned as to why I was face down on the bed, when I heard B trying to prevent Mia from coming in the room. She, was completely recovered and fine, of course. I recovered my patience enough to deal with Mia, but not with the rest of... LIFE like dogs who want their food, or husbands who want to watch football all day, or annoying status updates on facebook. You know, the normal stuff.

It couldn't have been that one thing, but it was more like that afternoon, that particular tantrum, was the straw. August and September have been bad for us, financially. The thing with B's job is that it's not exactly predictable. Yes, he has a base pay, but when his numbers aren't there for the month, neither is the commission check at the beginning of the following month. So, generally, we know about 30 days in advance when the check isn't going to be its usual size. On the same token, he can also have stellar numbers, and we know that in about 30 days time, we'll have a bit extra. July and August were the former, which unfortunately, means that August and September were going to be bad. We've known that for a while and have completely cut out any unnecessary spending. Bills paid, but nothing left beyond that. Which, of course, is not a bad place to be, relatively speaking. But, it still takes a toll. So I'm counting down until September is over (and have been since August 1st), and October rolls around. B's September was amazing, and we should be getting about three times his normal commission amount, which should balance out our deficiencies. The lists of not extravagant but not necessary things that I've put off buying is building in my head (cleansing conditioner, face cream, eye cream, dry shampoo, lipstick). Things also on my list, but that still have to wait: shoes, pants, glasses. Thankfully, my paychecks have been on time and full sized since I've been working 5 days a week, every week. Without those, I would probably have broken down ages and ages ago.

Oh, and have I left out the part that made me feel justified in taking some of this frustration out on my husband? Last weekend, I was getting ready to go out for a girls night (my one splurge - paid for by Etsy orders) and was in my bra and underwear, undoubtedly while I was bending over or doing something equally as unflattering, my husband sighs and says QUOTE: "You have such a Mom body now."

[pause to let that sink in]

In that moment, I kind of let it go. I was trying to get myself out the door and looking as nice as possible to meet up with a group of girls I didn't know (except one). I ended up having a great time, so the comment didn't come up again until this weekend. I don't even know in what context I brought it up, maybe when I pointed out a pair of shoes that I really wanted and B reminding me (again!) that his car needed new tires, so shoes would have to wait. Maybe I said something real mature like: "What? They don't look like Mom shoes enough to match my MOM BODY?!?" Either way, I was belatedly incensed about the comment. He tried to explain himself, to say that he didn't mean it as an insult. Honestly, as I'm writing it out, I can't even remember how he tried to spin it because of how ineffective that spinning was.

Oh, and have I mentioned the trouble I've been having with my application to the Nevada Bar? Apparently, there's still missing about a gagillion things of mine because the post office stopped working, or because it's just too difficult to make note of my married name versus my maiden name, and this morning I got an email that just mentions that I have a week to get this straightened out or I will be DISQUALIFIED for the November swearing in, provided I pass the exam.

So, add to all that Mia falling out of bed at about 4:30 this morning, and then tossing and turning in our bed until 5:30 this morning, when she went back into her own bed because even my 2 year old had enough sense to realize how little sleep she was getting by resting her head on my throat. And of course, at 5:45, there goes B's work out alarm, and I've been awake since 4:30 and now he's going to work out in our room because me and my mom-body don't need any stinking beauty rest!

Before B left for work, he's all... "Um, honey? I know you're struggling and all, but I just kind of need to know you're okay before I leave." I'll be fine, nothing a few weekdays in a row won't fix. Amirite?

Coming out of it

I have several posts started in my draft folder that were soooo depressing that I couldn't even finish typing them. I mentioned briefly in my first post-bar post that I was having trouble adjusting to life post-bar. I'm finally adjusting from my postBARtum depression. (GET IT? I'm funny.)

In this moment, I can hardly explain how I was feeling, but I seriously struggling. I would look up from whatever I was doing, and say "Ughhh, I'm struggling", silently and to myself, of course. But today, after taking a sick day to take Mia to the doctor for a long-time cough, things seem... better. For no good reason, they just seem better.

All the things I was sad about before? They're still there. Whether I want to check job postings, find out whether I could work with a recruiter, whether I want to ask for a raise... all those things are still there, still problems. But I don't feel them physically weighing down on me the way I have in the past couple of weeks.

I'm adjusting - waiting, knowing that however difficult it can be, we're getting there. B and I go to bed every night giggling about something cute and funny Mia did that day. Last night, we were a bit more sentimental than usual and asked each other how we could have gotten so lucky with our little one. So sweet and so fiesty, so smart and so silly. Are all parents this obsessed with their children? He said probably. I said I hoped so.

PS - MPRE tomorrow! And then, finally, I will get to the books waiting for me on my Kindle.

Is back!

Well, Nevada Bar Exam July 2013 is official over! Well, not quite because it turns out that, adding insult to injury, I also have to re-take the MPRE next Saturday. But still, relatively speaking, I am over the biggest hurdle.

The whole ordeal of studying, and then sitting for the bar, was physically, mentally, and personally grueling, but in the end I got through it. In reflecting on the exam itself, I find myself completely perplexed at how to deal with the low pass rate. If 40% of the people taking this exam will not be making it through, and if 60% of the people taking this exam performed better than I did, I absolutely cannot see myself doing ANY better the second time around.

Now, do not take that in the "Well, I could NOT have done any better" sense saying that I was excellent and nobody could have done better, but instead, I just cannot see myself doing the whole thing again and having the result come out differently. While I'm not saying that I wouldn't retake it, I am just not sure I would pass the second time if I did have to retake it.

I've found that coming back to "normal life" post bar exam has been a bit more difficult than I anticipated. I feel like complete mush, of course, but more than that, there's a sense of dissatisfaction. You spend the months leading up to the bar building anticipation to cross this hurdle, and then once you cross it, you go back to your normal life to wait. But wait for what, exactly? The results, yes, but if I do pass, I'm not entirely sure I am going to be launching into a full-out job search.

First, while I was away, my Company started doing well again. No late paychecks, no more unpaid time off. I am officially back to 5 days a week, every week. Second, while I'm still somewhat dissatisfied in the lack of lawyering in my day to day, B has (frequently) pointed out that the grass is not always greener.

Besides that, I am back and trying to figure out what I want to do in terms of this blog, my Etsy shop, and... all the other things ever.

Quick Post

My life has been taken over by BarBri. 

This is obviously no surprise, and I'm not sure why I'm having such a difficult time coming to terms with it. I've done it before, and yes, your life gets completely taken over by floppy heavy books (why can't they bind these a bit better? too floppy), index cards, highlighters, and practice questions. I paid my tuition about two weeks ago and have had access to everything online, so everytime I have any downtime, whether at work or at home, I am devoting it to the Early Paced Program (which is really like 7 weeks worth of work, but you know..) until the regular Paced program starts on May 20th.

So that nobody thinks that I'm an overachiever, let's keep in mind that while the regular law school kids will be able to spend all their waking hours on this, I will still have to show up to my job for 8 hours every day, at least until they very last few weeks. So while I'm still at about T-80 days, I already feel like I'm behind. 

3 years out of law school, and things are coming back. Thankfully, somewhat quicker than I thought they would. While I feel like I'm spending an inordinate amount of time trying to pull Future Interest out of my distant memory, here's the shocking thing... IT'S BEEN KINDA FUN.

What I'm not going to do right now is write about how sad it makes me to think about missing out on so much time with my nearly two year old little girl when I start going to class every night from 6-10. At least not right now.

Over Qualified

Well, the first attempt at "change" has been crossed off the list. I recently applied to a mid-level human resources position at one of the big casinos in town. In the 18 months or so, this is only the 3rd job where I felt like I was being strongly considered for the position. I had exchanged a few emails with the corporate HR director, who happens to know my Dad (which never hurts). After telling me that he was going to schedule an interview and not hearing back from him for a couple of weeks of not hearing from him, I started to get a bad feeling that I picked the wrong position to apply for (there were tons of openings, and the one I picked seemed like the best match for a legal background), he informed me that I was overqualified, and that the pay would not meet my expectations. Would I like to apply for this paralegal position, instead? You'd likely still be overqualified, but at least you have the background.

What does that even mean, over-qualified? If you're looking strictly at education, sure. But experience? No. I'm hardly going to argue with him, that would not help the situation. I mean, the salary is just over half of what I'm making now, so even if I did manage to convince them that I was NOT overqualified, the pay would be prohibitive. So full speed ahead with Nevada Bar exam studying. I think I'm done with job applications for now.

Happy just Being

Our little family of three is getting comfortable in our little life. We're getting settled into the new house. A couch is on its way and should be delivered next Saturday. My parents bought us a dining table as an early birthday/christmas/every gift they may want to give us in 2013, so that is also on its way. We've got paint samples on the walls, and we are waiting for the time to undertake that kind of project to present itself. We're ready to stay put for at least five years; we're not interested in buying ourselves and having my parents as landlords is basically the same thing anyway.

Mia's transition to the two year old room has gone smoothly, especially since they spent about 80% of the day outside with the rest of the school, so she still sees her younger friends regularly. She is piecing together sentences. "Cheese!" has turned into "I want cheese... Please?". Now that she's a couple of months away from two, it seems like we're inching our way out of babydom, which is both relieving and tragic. She needs less from us, on a basic level, but more at the same time. More mindfulness about what we say, how we say it, and act how we generally want her to act. Her decided move towards childhood has made me realize 100% that our family would benefit from an addition. I've always said that I wouldn't consider a second baby until my first was no longer one herself, and it seems that I'm quite true to my word. She's not quite out of the baby stage yet, so I'm not quite in the "trying" stage yet either. We'll save that one for 2014 and just... stay comfortable (and by that I mean nausea-free) until the end of 2013. Though obviously, there is a blog post brewing in my head with an endless list of reasons I worry about bringing a second child into the fold.

We're on the brink of other new things for 2013. I've got the Bar Exam coming up, but it hasn't interfered with our lives yet (aka I'm not stuck to an outline and note cards, but will be in 30 days or so). Professionally, my goal would be not to close out the year in my current position. I'm looking at all possible Las Vegas options - hopefully being licensed opens up the possibility of working in a law office, firm, or in the legal department somewhere, or even not in the legal department somewhere. Either way, turning in my bar application is a more proactive step then I've taken in the past (because, let's face it... complaining about it is not a proactive step). But for now, I'm doing what needs to be done at my current job. Work is steady without being demanding, and paychecks are coming though still delayed. B is supposed to be transitioning into a management training program. We haven't heard anything official, but all signs point to "soon", but either way, knowing that he is moving towards a management position is enough to make his work satisfying.

Doesn't everyone in Vegas celebrate with some Cosmic Bowling?

It seems like the first time in ages that I am willing to consider adding anything to our plates. Though Motherhood in itself came to me easily, shifting the rest of my life around it has not. A task as short-term as painting the walls would never have been on my list - my instinct would have been to envision Mia demanding to be picked up as I was covered in paint, and my second instinct would have been to picture Mia covered in said paint. The same is true for B - any challenges he may have had in the beginning of fatherhood have adjusted themselves. We're both parents, and we're both comfortable as parents. I no longer count down until bedtime - relaxing while Mia is awake is finally possible. I think this has more to do with my progress as a Mom than with Mia's progress.

Now, let's finish up with a birthday shout-out, shall we? Happy Birthday, Juliet!

Phew!

Where have I been, you ask?

Here is where I have been:

The application has been so time consuming, I keep forgetting that I still actually have to take an exam to get licensed here. But, after a painstaking number of things I definitely did not have to do for my Illinois bar exam (fingerprints, DMV records, and about a million trips to the notary, etc.), it's postmarked 3/14, one day before the deadline of 3/15. Hopefully it's complete enough that I do not have to shell out the extra $550 in late fees.

Meanwhile, a few other things happened.

1) The Curve Hotel Palm Springs handled the whole Beg Bug Situation quite poorly, denying any possibility that her bite marks were from their hotel, despite Mia having slept nowhere else where she could possibly of gotten them. Daycare inspected their mattresses, we inspected our mattresses, and nobody at either location has gotten any more bites. So don't stay there. Even if you don't use their cribs, if you do end up having any kind of problem, they'll probably do an awful job handling it. Go to Palm Springs, it's beautiful. But stay somewhere else.

2) Mia was declared ready for the 2 year old room at Daycare. The night after they told us that, I actually cried. I honestly can't believe how quickly she's growing and learning and all that mushy stuff. They've been transitioning her from the 1 year old room to the two year old room for the past few days, with her spending a few hours in there a day. I was concerned because she had formed such a bit attachment to her 1 year old teacher, but it looks like that has significantly subsided. Also, she has a "best friend" in the one year old room whose name she repeats and repeats throughout the evenings and weekends. I actually crossed paths with Best Friend's father at pick up, and he informed me that Mia's name was often repeated as his house as well, so thankfully the feeling is mutual. We've been assured that said best friend will be following into the two year old room in a few weeks. The only thing with the upgrade to the 2 year old room leads to...

3) Potty Training. They have a little potty in there for the two year olds, and part of normal practice is to start putting them on there as soon as they move up to that classroom. So, for the sake of consistency, we are getting one too. I hadn't thought about it yet, honestly, assuming we'd wait until she was over 2 to start. Mia's very verbal, but I'm not sure about how ready her bladder is for this kind of thing. I think for now, we'll just start sitting her bare butt on that plastic little toilet and see how it goes.

It's been a tough couple of weeks. The Bar Exam is looming, and my baby is a child. Look: