Monday, March 18, 2013

Creative Frustration

When I was a kid, I was obsessed with the thought of finding "my thing". I thought, there has to be something out there that I'm really good at, that would make me so happy that I never wanted for anything else. I took all the lessons: singing, dancing, martial arts, ice skating, etc to infinity. I needed to try everything that sounded interesting, so that I could find It. I never found it. I did, and do many things, but that It still alludes me. Not that I'm trying particularly hard to find it, anymore.

At this point, I have embraced a few things that I honestly do for the sake of enjoyment. My three hobbies. I knit (a lot). I make my bracelets. I blog. I spend as much time as I can doing these things, in addition to the regular, never ending, everyday things that must be done. You know, for life. But, the part of me that was always seeking to be really good at something still isn't satisfied. I look at knitting patterns that are way above my comprehension level, and instead of rationally telling myself that I will get there in a few years, I get frustrated that I can't spend more than two hours knitting to get there faster. I read knitting blogs and get frustrated that I'm not designing patterns the way those knitters are. It's irrational frustration. Relax, enjoy the process of getting there. Of course you're not designing patterns - you're just learning! And ps, you're 29 while most of these knitters are not, so imagine where you'll be when you're a grandmother!

It's the same thing with Beads, comparing my little shop to other shops with thousands of sales. Calm down. Of course you don't have a thousand sales! You don't have the inventory. You've made about 40 bracelets and gotten about 25 sales - that's not bad for the amount you can produce!

Other blogs though, don't. There are so many amazing blogs out there. I read lots of blogs, almost exclusively Moms with young children blogs, who clearly spend lots of time editing and formatting their spaces. They are beautiful and write beautifully and I love reading them. There are so many - I feel like a discover a new site every day. There's BlogHer, and Babble and all sorts of other places for these Moms and writers to do what they do best. And while I envy their abilities, I'm just glad to be very small part of it all. I don't do what they do, and I don't even aspire to do what they do. I'm just glad they're doing it. I like to think of these blogs as BigMommyBlogs, whereas those of us who don't even own our own URLs, we're just along for the ride. (Look for my new favorites linked to throughout this last paragraph, if you're interested in some BigMommyBlogs). 


  1. I have totally the same reaction to knitting. I've made one sweater - which I wear around the house like a sweatshirt because while it looks like a sweater and it's super-comfy, it doesn't actually look that good on me. I don't have any designs dancing in my head. But I do wish I had more time to do nothing but knit, so I could do the fancy patterns I drool over, and I totally envy people who knit/write knitting patterns for living!

    Of course, if I had to do it to make a living, I'm not sure I'd enjoy it so much. But I'm still envious. :-P

    1. I just made my first "garment" for myself, a short sleeve tunic. And after 6 skeins and I don't know how many hours, I put it together and slipped it over my head and it looks... awful! It was so discouraging, I haven't had the energy to finish the collar :(.