Please excuse me for not doing a Whatnot Wednesday today. I just don't have it in me. Mainly because my mind is circling 'round the drain and only about one thing:
FATHER-IN-LAW RETURNS IN TWO DAYS.
THIS IS NOT A DRILL. I REPEAT, THIS IS NOT A DRILL. FIL RETURNS IN TWO DAYS.
Yes, my FIL that hates me, belittles me, has even told me that he *knows* I'm going to die at any moment and he *may* choose to grace everyone with his presence at my funeral simply because I'm his grandson's mother. Of course all of that is only when he's not choosing to just give me the silent treatment like a high school girl.
And why? Because I'm fat. He's given other excuses for it, some family members have guesses for ADDITIONAL reasons as well (!), and so we don't really know exactly how many reasons he harbors such disdain for me, but the main reason is because I'm morbidly obese. (Ugh, I hate that term, but if we want to get realistic about it, that's the medical term.) And the more I struggle with my weight, the worse he treats me. And the comment made to me about dying because I'm so fat was unfortunately when I was at least 50 pounds lighter than I am today. Yes, I don't love myself for having gained that much weight back since I lost 100 in the hospital, but his hatred has also correspondingly skyrocketed!
He splits his time between Las Vegas and his other son's hometown in the Pacific Northwest, and he's returning on Friday for one his three month stints here. For those of you that are either new to our blog, or could use a refresher on our "relationship" and his horrendous nature, please click the following link to see last September's post, "The Silent Treatment."
Anyway, I'm nauseated, depressed, frustrated, angry, and having a hard time concentrating and focusing. If it wasn't for being a Mommy I don't know if I'd be getting out of bed. As it is, I have hard time doing so. And I get this way every three months for about two weeks right before he returns. And that intensity (aka crisis mode) will last anywhere from a week to a month once he's here, depending on how bad and nasty he is upon his return. Then at least a less complex but general anxiety will stick around for the remainder of his three month visit, until he finally leaves again. But I'll only get to breathe normally again then. By my calendar that means sometime in May.