From not great to bad.

I've been blog absent for a little while, but I wanted to do a quick check in. I fully intended to log in today and do my own 7 things post, but I'm finding that I can't bring myself to write lightheartedly.

I've mentioned before that things haven't been great at work. For the past year or so, I often get paid late, because the company was stretched out pretty thin, financially. Now, the mood at work is pretty bad. I haven't been paid for a month. A full thirty days. Part of me wishes they would just lay me off, so that at least, I could file for unemployment. But my boss keeps telling me that things will turn around, that we'll get paid as soon as possible. I believe that he'll pay us as soon as there's money in the bank, but when will that be? And will it be enough to give me the two paychecks that I'm owed (not to mention the 3rd that will be due to me on February 10th)? I doubt it. If they can't catch up on my paychecks, we can't move out of our apartment. I really wanted to move. We've outgrown our apartment, and Mia is crawling all over our impossible to clean carpets.

Normally, a company so behind on payroll would just... shut it doors, wouldn't it? It's hard to come to work in the mornings, but I do it, because I keep hoping to be handed a paycheck. Plus, I'm trying to do my part in collecting some of our receivables, figuring out who we can layoff and still function. But a month without pay? It feels terrible personally, but also, how can an employee (such as myself, or the many others who haven't been paid in 2 weeks) have any faith that this will turn around?

I've been actively applying for jobs. Basically, I spent part of my day writing collection letters and threatening lawsuits, knowing that we can't pay the retainer for our new (cheaper) collection attorney, so we can't even follow through with my threats. The rest of the day, I'm looking at my law school's career services website, applying for anything that I might remotely qualify for back in Chicago. It feels like even if I got a call back, they would just cast my application to the side since I won't be available for an in-person interview, unless I shell out the money (that I do not have) for a plane ticket.

This morning, I applied to three immigration jobs, one in Washington, DC, and two in California. Let's remember that I am not licensed in either of these states, but since Immigration is Federal, I'm hoping they'll still consider me.

Today, my Mom goes back to China. It's sad because I like having her around, but also scary, because at least while she's around, the kid inside me feels like everything's going to be alright. Tonight, I'll be on my own again, forced to be an adult and buy my own groceries.

Things work out. They always do. B and I were unemployed for 9 months, and we survived. Granted, we didn't have a baby and we didn't have landlord, but we still managed. We'll go into deferrement, we'll give up our second car, we'll file bankruptcy if I stay unemployed long enough. If it does happen, at least B has a steady and reliable income. And, we are a lot more steady and mature than we used to be.