Thursday, August 11, 2011

Apologies and Retractions

So, I took down the postpartum description post. It was overly whiny and insensitive to those who have complicated pregnancies and labor. Nothing happened to me that doesn't happen to every single woman who has a vaginal delivery, so who I am to whine about it? A million women wish they had my postpartum experience. Although I don't believe that just because someone has it worse than you, you're not allowed to feel badly too, I think I probably went too far with that one. In person, I am super sarcastic and if you heard my postpartum spiel out loud, you would know not to take it too seriously. But this isn't out loud, so yeah, I took it down.

In the spirit of what Juliet Cap was saying about owning up to having mood swings, I'll admit it. I have been feeling pretty frustrated with life in the past week or so. Looking back on the past few days, that post was just a symptom of how I've been feeling since last week.

I'm reluctant to blame this 100% on PMS, but since I haven't had it in almost a year, I'm guessing that it's going to come back with a vengeance. I'm going to describe my irrationally depressing week to you, and watch for the parentheses, because those are the thoughts of a rational person poking through.

I had a lazy weekend, not even bothering to run the vaccuum, which I usually do obsessively thanks to Swarley. (Get off you're ass! You're not going to feel better if you leave dog hair on your carpets, and you're not going to get more energy by sitting around all day!) I wanted to go to the pool and do the one thing that you can do in the Las Vegas summer heat, but Mia was fussy on sunday and was worse when B was holding her, so I couldn't leave them alone. My stomach cramps were baaad on Monday and I ditched work (even though really, I could have dealt with stomach cramps at work, grow up!). It was B's day off on Tuesday, and he dropped Mia off at my office for an hour so that he could get his hair cut. That upset me because I can't do that with his work, why does he get to go to the barber for an hour when I haven't been able to get a pedicure since she was born? (Because, dummy, that's the kind of job he has, and you've got an awesome one that lets you do this kind of things! At least he's working!) Wednesday, Brian woke up early and tended to the baby, but as soon as I was awake, he handed me the baby and said he was going to the gym. Hey! I want to go to the gym, why can't you take the baby?? (You don't get to lounge in bed, and go to the gym. Wake up earlier!) It was also my day to bring Mia to work for the week, and she slept for a total of 45 minutes, fussed for the entire afternoon when she usually takes her solid 3 hour nap, and had 3 poopy diaper blowouts! We went through all but one diaper, all but one baby wipe, and every single spare outfit in the baby bag, that she was left wearing a plain while Gerber onesie that I usually use as an undershirt by the end of the day. (Shit happens!) It all culminated when B came home from the grocery store with the wrong carpet cleaner and I totally lost it. (Over carpet cleaner? Really?) I scrubbed and scrubbed and scrubbed the carpet with the stupid carpet cleaner he bought and worked myself up so much that I couldn't even look at him when I finished. I told him to leave me alone for an hour, and I went in the bedroom, closed the door and felt sorry for myself.

The hour helped a lot, and I came out, we had a good talk and I told him about how frustrated I was feeling. We ate dinner, Mia took a bottle, and slept from 9:30pm-7:00am. So after a night's sleep, I woke up feeling much better about everything. On my way out the door, I grabbed one of my many weight loss guides and a bag of almonds. It's time to stop being passively upset about everything (because it leads to breakdowns over carpet cleaner), and start taking charge. I WILL start working out. I WILL stop telling myself that breastfeeding is all I need to do to lost my baby pooch. I WILL communicate with my husband! I will also stop at Target and get that darned carpet shampoo.

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