Hi everyone! Remember me? It's me, Chloe! Yup, you remember. I'm the one that you all used to fawn over. I'm still here. And I'm still adorable, but I've gotta tell you, things have taken a turn for the worse over here in Sin City. Let me tell you my story...
I started out in a sad little pet shop on Ashland. All my brothers and sisters were meek and quiet, but not me! I barked and barked. How else is anyone going to notice how much better I am then the rest? Apparently most of the shop's patrons were idiots, because they kept on picking the quiet ones. The shop owners made an extra special sign over my crate, which said "50% off!" in big red letters, because sometimes, you have to make it clear which puppies are the best. Finally, this 15 year old Girl picked me and I went home with a family.
It was a good start. I had two teenagers, two adults, an older sister and a backyard. We all lived in a nice house with nice wood floors (perfect to pee on!). Everyone came to visit me because I was so soft and cute. My big sister was always trying to tell me what to do, but she was a Golden Retriever, and what do they know? I did what I wanted! I liked her though, my big sis. She always gave me her left overs. After a few years, things started to change.
My teenagers grew up and left the house. Then, my Girl came back from where ever she was for four years, and took me away from my big sister and my adults. At first, I was pissed, but soon, I realized that she needed me! How could I stay with the adults when someone had to take care of my Girl? Poor Girl, she was left behind. I had to be strong. I spent lots of time her. She always wanted someone to sit with her on the couch, or sit at her feet when she was at our table. I took her on walks, I took her to the beach, what more could I have done for her? I was so important to her, I even had to go on airplanes with her. My adults and my big sis came to visit a few times, and sometimes we went to see them at their new place. I took good care of her, we made a great team.
Then, this Guy started coming around and kicked me out of my bed. It's cool though, one less thing I needed to do. I like the floor better anyway. He brought a bunch of things into our house, and he was kind of a pain in the ass. He was always trying to play with me! No way buddy, I'm a Beagle. I am too good for those dog toys you're throwing around. Clearly, he'd never had a Beagle before. He was probably used to those other kinds of dogs, like Golden Retrievers, those suckers. She started wearing something shiny on her finger, and I think she was happy. It turned out, his lap was pretty comfortable, too.
Anyway, it turned out that this Guy needed me too. He probably didn't have anywhere else to go, the poor Guy. So, I started taking care of him too. I took them both on long walks by the lake, to the beach, and we even went on road trips! I sat on my Girl's lap, or at her feet, while he drove me around in the car. We went and visited my adults and my big sis. We went around to other people's houses, I think they were my Guy's people, because they all talked real loud, like him. They were all wanting to pet me all the time, telling me how cute I was. But, I put up with it. They were cool.
Then, one day, we went on a car ride and stopped at this place with lots of cats and dogs. They brought this little dope of a puppy around to meet me, and he was so annoying. He looked so scruffy and had a beard, and I don't know why everyone thought he was so cute. Hello, everyone knows that a smooth coated dog is superior. I don't know what this puppy's deal was, but he would not stop following us around, and he came all the way back into my car and then into my house.
They called him "Swarley". What kind of name is that? That's not even a real name. My Girl even set up a second bed on the floor, like he was staying! Man, I was pissed. He was always bugging me, and bugging my Girl and my Guy. Always asking to go out and to be taken care of. I don't think they knew that he was the kind of dog that needed taking care of, one of those Retriever types. They even let him come up on my couch. We still went out on long walks and the beach, but he took up so much of their time, it just wasn't the same. I guess he got better eventually, but he did have the nerve to get bigger than me. Don't worry though, I'm way tougher. This kid needs me.
The one day, my Girl started getting fat. Like, really fat. She didn't want to go on long walks anymore. We went on a long road trip and now, I don't need boots or a coat in the winter, but sometimes, it gets really hot. I wasn't too mad at her though, I didn't feel like going on long walks anymore either. One day, she went away for 3 days. I didn't know what happened to her, and I had to take care of Swarley. Everyone was always out of the house and my Guy only came by for a few hours a day. Then she came back. But she wasn't alone...
You guessed it. It was a Tiny Human. I had heard about these at the dog park. Those other dogs warned us this might happen soon, but I never believed them. It cried. All the time. My Girl's always holding it and kissing it. And me? I'm not allowed on the couch. I'm not allowed on the bed. Those other people, they're always asking about that Tiny Human. Nobody asks about me anymore. What's the big deal? The Tiny Human doesn't even have any soft fur to pet like I do. Even Swarley has better fur than the Tiny Human.
Sure, my Guy still takes us on walks. Sure, sometimes she still needs me on her lap, but only when the Tiny Human sleeps. Yeah, alright, I still get food, and water, a warm house, a soft bed, but it's not the same. My Girl promises we'll go to the park again when the Tiny Human gets a little bigger, but I'll believe that when I see it. Sometimes, that Tiny Human watches me and Swarley run around and she laughs. And I guess that's kind of nice. But I'm still mad.
So guess what? I'll pee on your floor. That'll show you.