Conflicting Aspirations

When I graduated from law school, I knew that I wouldn't get hired by a Big Law firm. Even though they don't tell you that when you start, you're not going to get into one of those law firms unless you've gone to the right school. Hence the giant lawsuit against a bunch of second to third tier law schools for totally misleading their students. Anyway, once I got past 1L and realized that I wouldn't be bringing in the big bucks and working a thousand hours a week, I was glad. I could get a regular job, and yeah, I would struggle financially, but it would be fine.

Yesterday was my 2nd year anniversary at my current job. When I was hired here, my boss wanted to make clear that I would be able to grow with the Company, and that I would be able to stay here for as long as I wanted to. Up until recently, I had thought that I would do exactly that. It's really the perfect job. I make a decent salary, I have very flexible hours, I have a lot of responsibility, but my day-to-day workload isn't terribly demanding. With a baby, and later a child with activities, this is the best arrangement I could have. And I like it. Today, I was pleasantly busy, I did work from the time I got in at 9am until lunch, then from lunch until 4 pm without once looking down at my watch. Mia was helpful with letting me accomplish that, she took a 45 minute nap this morning and played in her bouncy chair for the rest of the morning, then went back down at 2 pm and woke up at 4:30. But at the same time, I'm sometimes bored, even when I am busy. I do the same legal work, over and over. Sometime complicated will come up, but very seldom. I sometimes wish I had more than the one client, that I could deal with different clients needs, and really expand what I already know. I also think that with 2 years of experience to add on to my resume, some Big (or at least Medium) Law firms might actually consider hiring me, and certainly, we could use a salary upgrade.

On the total opposite spectrum, every day that Mia ages, I can see her becoming more and more fun. Yesterday, we went on the swings for the first time, and she loved it. We went to the dog park and she looked down at all the big dogs running around while strapped to my chest in her wrap. She laughed as she watched her Swarley running around with dogs twice his size. You can tell that she can't wait to be able to jump out of my arms and in with the fun. And I want to be there. I want to be the one to take her to the park during the day, and take her to music class and EVERYTHING. A big part of me sometimes hopes that B will get promoted at Big Bank enough so that we don't need my salary, that Mia and I could spend our days together at the park or Children's museum, rather than at my office.

Despite it all, I've looked at some Immigration positions at law firms. I've updated my resume. I might apply, I might not. I'll have to sleep on it a few more nights. I can't decide which one of my aspirations to follow at the moment.