Let's get back into this

This weekend, we had what I'm hoping will be the typical weekend we'll have as a family of four. We've had visitors, and out of the ordinary activities for the past few weeks (plus the ever changing 4.5 month old), but this weekend was pretty ordinary. On Saturday, I had the girls on my own until B got home from work around 4pm, and we watched movies and played Legos, and played outside and did tummy time, and folded laundry, and gave Roscoe a bath, and maybe a few other things that may have been mundane, but it's nice to be back to it. On Sunday, we rose early to participate in an AIDS walk, which is a-typical, but got us out of the house and started with our day, so all our errands were done by 12 on the dot. Lucy and I have gotten pretty good at nursing on the go, so we can stay out for a few hour stretches so long as we have water and snacks packed for all. 

I should really start taking more pictures, I wish I had some to insert here!

I've decided to start putting Lucy in daycare for 1 day per week, and B will work every Saturday he can, giving him a weekday off, giving me a second day to go to work on my own. I think Lucy and I still need to be together for most of the time, but these two days should improve our relationship quite a bit (and hopefully make her less hateful of the bottle...). Today is her first day there, and while I have a few things going on, I'm not go-go-go busy in between pumping sessions. Things may have gotten a bit overwhelming with the non-stop juggling, and with B's schedule being so unreliable. 

And despite Lucy's 3 time wake up overnight, I'm feeling pretty energized this morning. I bought a new minty shampoo, a new eyeliner that I've been wanting for months, I had a shower without hearing a baby cry, so things are good! I've been struggling a bit with overeating (nursing makes me hungry, all the freaking time) but I've now gone a full week tracking all my food -- not a diet so much as making me aware of what and how much I'm eating, and reminding me to pump the brakes once in a while instead of trusting my unreliable feeling of satisfaction. It's not much of a victory in getting back to a comfortable weight, but it's a start. 

Complain-y Moments

I have pregnancy brain to the millionth degree. But at least I'm aware of it. I had two small things to do -- each would take about 10 minutes. I have to start BOTH at the same time to make sure I don't do one and forget about the other. 20 minutes later, both things are done but my brain is exhausted.

I have done everything I can leading up to a motion hearing we have scheduled for Wednesday. I'm not arguing it, of course, outside counsel is, but I've done everything humanly possible for things to go in our favor. I hope. I keep telling myself that I am not my job. This weekend, I'd work myself up over the motion, but Mia's hugs would keep me grounded. This morning, with Mia's scent and arms at daycare, I'm trying to focus on this baby's kicks to keep me stable. It works, until I forget to pay attention!

I'm anxious (see above) and can't compartmentalize. This is usually my strength, and how I think I manage to keep myself happy. I find myself getting furious at my boss when I overhear him speaking to his family and responding that things are "great" when asked how he's doing, and that he's "just working hard over here" when asked what he's up to. You are not fine! Don't be so cheerful!

I have a co-worker who was hired in a pretty large role while I was out studying for and taking the bar exam last year. Usually, I'm somewhat involved in the hiring process, but obviously, I was out when she started. I would never, ever, have been enthusiastic about this hire. She is unable to compose a coherent sentence in written form. COMPLETELY unable. She has written 5 word interoffice memos, and two of the 5 words are misused or misplaced. So every time she needs something "written", she comes to me. She speaks, and I write it down. I cannot, CANNOT understand how a person can get through life like this. I also cannot understand how someone like this could ever make it through any form of hiring process. I've brought it up, of course, and have been asked to please help her if I have time.

The weekend ended with me sitting on the couch, declaring that I had not had any fun all weekend. I was whiny about all the football that had been on my television, despite there really not being anything else that I wanted to watch. I spend the weekend doing about 12 loads of laundry for myself, my child, and my unborn child. Then I folded and put away all of that laundry. And organized the girl(s)' closet and room. It was incredibly productive, actually. But not at all fun. I honestly didn't leave the house once.

There is a box of under 6 month old infant clothing hidden away in my house. I've found many many onesies and burp cloths and swaddling blankets but I'm missing a bunch of footie sleepers I absolutely know we had. I've looked everywhere I can think to look, and of course, my husband has been to preoccupied with his fantasy football team to care to assist me in my search. Where oh where are those adorable little clothes hiding??

At least it's not a Monday

There's something about the first day back at work following a three day weekend that makes me dread opening my work email. I come up with all sorts of scenarios that could have happened between 5pm on Friday and 9am on Tuesday. I have to remind myself that everyone else was off work too. The post office was closed. The courts were closed. Other businesses were closed. This is no different from a regular Monday, except it has the bonus of already being Tuesday!

During pregnancy, my anxiety levels seem to skyrocket. Not about the pregnancy itself, or about the baby (though I do have my moments), but about everything else around me.The anxieties are nothing new, circumstances are generally not changed, but me? I can't seem to keep it together. I can feel my heart beating in my chest, my blood pressure drops, I get dizzy... it's all very unpleasant. 

Spoiler alert -- nothing new or unexpected happened. There are some stressful things to deal with, but you know. Nothing I didn't know about on Friday and clearly nothing I can stop from giving me the yucks.

Anyway. The weekend! It really was a glorious one. At some point on Sunday, I felt like maybe we should actually try to do something social and involving a grill, but then I decided to just blow up our inflatable pool and call that Labor Day. And it was spectacular. It was hot enough to make our 8 foot long plastic pool appealing, and Mia and I spent about 2 hours lounging and splashing about on both Sunday and Monday while B was a fuddy duddy indoors.

Even with the daytime splashing about, it managed to be a really productive weekend. We did the things working parents need to do on the weekends to keep up with... life. I even had time to organize my inventory stock for the upcoming holiday opening of the Etsy Shop. I've found that I can be successful in the months leading up to and following the Holidays, but that it isn't worth the time and effort in between. So, look out for some new things starting October 1st, including lots of new handmade earrings! I'm excited for the season, and I am trying to get most of the making and photographing done before I am juggling a newborn on my boob multiple times a day. 

Happy September, everyone! Next week, 3rd trimester and all its glory.

Friday Tidbits

• Yesterday was a Doctor filled day. 24 week visit for me! While I have a couple of weird and unpleasant things going on, they are (as usual) "normal" for pregnancy and there's basically nothing that can be done to fix it except give birth. So, my numb fingers and heart palpitations will remain in place until Thanksgiving. 
• I took Mia to the pediatrician later that afternoon after daycare told us that she had been going to the bathroom a lot more frequently than usual. My instinct was to chalk it up to drinking a lot of water/wanting attention, but after going through quite the adventure of getting her to pee in a cup, she's got a bladder infection! It doesn't actually seem to be bothering her much, with the exception of the increased bathroom use, so I'm not terribly worried about it and antibiotics should do the trick!
• This in-utero child is so much more violent than my first fetus. I don't know if it has something to do with being more aware of movement this time around, having a "looser" uterus, or what, but this child frequently kicks or headbutts me in the cervix and it is not pleasant. Without fail, after every meal, I have to lean back in my chair and give her room to trash about.
• I've been having some trouble with some anxiety. I'm about 99% sure that it's related to pregnancy hormones, but I take everything stressful so personally and have found myself getting physically worked up about it. It started a couple of weeks ago and has been going strong this week. Luckily, I was able to get some resolution to the stressful issue at work, but I'm getting the feeling that it won't be isolated to that single event. In my head, I can realize that I am overreacting, but I can't seem to tell my heart to relax.
• We decided at the very last minute to do a quick night out of town. We'll be spending one day and night at Big Bear Lake, in California. I'm looking forward to breathing some fresh air and enjoying the sounds of the lake.

First Trimester Respite

Somehow, my body allowed me to have a two day break from the dreaded First Trimester Icks. It was glorious, but as I started letting myself relax, eat and think that I might have gotten through the worst of it, it came back in full force on Sunday night at 5pm (and has lasted through this morning). EMBRYO, YOU FOOLED ME!

I woke up on Saturday morning without the normal feeling of dread. It could be because it was already past 8am, my husband and Mia were on their way back from fetching me some fresh everything bagels, but I didn't perform my usual mad dash to the bathroom, and cautiously proceeded with my day. We had very little planned: laundry, groceries, and a trip to Target to find Mia a "Big Sister" shirt. We plan on having Mia wearing her T-Shirt when we touchdown in Chicago on Friday, and seeing how long it takes for B's family to put two and two together. [Spoiler Alert, they don't have them at Target. We had to go to Carter's to find one.] We went grocery shopping, where only a few things made me look away in disgust (Yes, I mean you, chicken and tomato sauce). I was motivated enough to make us a lovely dinner (semi-prepared dinner, Trader Joe's Herb and Garlic Marinated Sirloin Steak with Chimichurri Sauce) with brown rice and green beans. I looked up at B at the end of the day, and pointed out that I had officially gone 24 hours without hunching over a toilet bowl. Hurray! And then, I added: "Maybe something's wrong? Oh, crap." Because, of course that's where a pregnant woman's mind goes.

Sunday morning, we had a bit bigger of a day planned. Big Bank was one of the sponsors for The AFAN Aids Walk, and we had signed up ages ago to participate. We walked it in about an hour and a half, so it was totally manageable and while I was tired at the end of the day, I can hardly classify it as strenuous. It was fun, though! There were a bunch of people from B's work participating, and while everyone kind of dispersed after the walk, it was a pretty fun atmosphere to be a part of. Mia enjoyed the sights of the UNLV campus from her stroller.

While I am lamenting the return of the morning (and afternoon) sickness, accompanied by some pretty serious stomach cramps (I'm sure it's my stomach and not my uterus), I am grateful to have had a nice little break where I was able to think about actually living life in the present, rather than completely focused on this pregnancy and its current side effects. Whoever said that in your second pregnancy, you will sometimes forget that you're pregnant was clearly NOT in their first trimester.

2 Week Update - with pictures!

It's been two weeks. I'm not sure how that happened, but there it went anyway. We've done a lot in the past two weeks, and not much of it was done in front of a computer, so that could be part of the reason.

Two weekends ago, we took a nice trip to L.A! More specifically, we were in Santa Monica. We left early Saturday morning, to get in around lunchtime on Saturday, and took an unfortunate 7 hours to get home, but LA to Vegas traffic is no joke, especially during a holiday week. It was really fun, though. We checked out Shop House, the new Asian restaurant by the Chipotle folks. My opinion: definitely delicious, but, like Chipotle, will take a few visits to figure out the right combination. We spent an evening at the Santa Monica Pier. The girls rode the ferris wheel - the boys were too chicken. The boys played some games and won a couple of the very small stuffed animals. One went to Mia, the other, to their own baby (a yorkiepoo).

I took Monday off, so it was a quick 1 and a half day work week for me (our office closed at 1pm on Wednesday), and then, a nice few days away. I spent Wednesday afternoon at the grocery store, Wednesday night prepping, and Thursday morning cooking pumpkin pie, scalloped potatoes, and mini hotdogs. We spent thanksgiving with Brian's co-worker and her family and had a lovely time.

A kids table! It was excellent - not having to fuss over whether she was eating or not! And she did! Eat!

 The rest of the weekend, I obsessively made earrings for the Etsy Shop. I decided to try my hand at some earrings, and once I got started, I just couldn't stop. Twice my budget later, and I've made about 25. I know what I'm giving the daycare ladies!

Promptly the day after thanksgiving, I went through the Christmas boxes and everything was up by Saturday night! Including our newest addition, Pippin the Elf on the Shelf.

Lastly, and sorry to end on sad note, but we said goodbye to our Chloe last Friday. If you'll remember, I had posted a while ago about Chloe being on her last leg. Well, almost a year and a half later, and it was true. She started having some blood in her urine and wincing when her abdomen was touched. And most alarmingly for our little glutton, she stopped eating. So, it was time.

Goodbye, Chloe. We miss you, but as we explained to Mia, you went away to rest.

One of those fall asleep on your face kind of moods

This weekend was not great. For not one particular reason, but just a combination of kind of crappy things that just kind of... made me have a minor meltdown / explosion.

Since we removed Mia's crib railing, she's stopped taking her habitual 2 hour midday nap. She still naps, but she won't be down for nearly long enough to make it count. It's probably that when the crib railing was up, she'd wake up a few times during those two hours, but doze back off to sleep when she got bored. Now, she'll wake up and get up out of bed on her own and play quietly in her room for a while. It's nice, for us, to still have that little break in the middle of the day, but the less than 45 minutes she's down means that by around 5 o'clock, she's in a near meltdown state. I'd like to think that I am normally pretty levelheaded and patient with her when she's like this. I'll let her have her tantrum, ignore it, and she'll come back to me once she's done, saying "Ma (I'm) okay now, Mama" and climb on my lap to recover. But this Saturday, I found that I actually had to remove myself from the room while she was inconsolable. I sent her to her timeout mat, and marched straight up to my bedroom and planted myself face down on the length of the bed, and stayed there until I actually fell asleep. I woke up 40 minutes later, completely stunned as to why I was face down on the bed, when I heard B trying to prevent Mia from coming in the room. She, was completely recovered and fine, of course. I recovered my patience enough to deal with Mia, but not with the rest of... LIFE like dogs who want their food, or husbands who want to watch football all day, or annoying status updates on facebook. You know, the normal stuff.

It couldn't have been that one thing, but it was more like that afternoon, that particular tantrum, was the straw. August and September have been bad for us, financially. The thing with B's job is that it's not exactly predictable. Yes, he has a base pay, but when his numbers aren't there for the month, neither is the commission check at the beginning of the following month. So, generally, we know about 30 days in advance when the check isn't going to be its usual size. On the same token, he can also have stellar numbers, and we know that in about 30 days time, we'll have a bit extra. July and August were the former, which unfortunately, means that August and September were going to be bad. We've known that for a while and have completely cut out any unnecessary spending. Bills paid, but nothing left beyond that. Which, of course, is not a bad place to be, relatively speaking. But, it still takes a toll. So I'm counting down until September is over (and have been since August 1st), and October rolls around. B's September was amazing, and we should be getting about three times his normal commission amount, which should balance out our deficiencies. The lists of not extravagant but not necessary things that I've put off buying is building in my head (cleansing conditioner, face cream, eye cream, dry shampoo, lipstick). Things also on my list, but that still have to wait: shoes, pants, glasses. Thankfully, my paychecks have been on time and full sized since I've been working 5 days a week, every week. Without those, I would probably have broken down ages and ages ago.

Oh, and have I left out the part that made me feel justified in taking some of this frustration out on my husband? Last weekend, I was getting ready to go out for a girls night (my one splurge - paid for by Etsy orders) and was in my bra and underwear, undoubtedly while I was bending over or doing something equally as unflattering, my husband sighs and says QUOTE: "You have such a Mom body now."

[pause to let that sink in]

In that moment, I kind of let it go. I was trying to get myself out the door and looking as nice as possible to meet up with a group of girls I didn't know (except one). I ended up having a great time, so the comment didn't come up again until this weekend. I don't even know in what context I brought it up, maybe when I pointed out a pair of shoes that I really wanted and B reminding me (again!) that his car needed new tires, so shoes would have to wait. Maybe I said something real mature like: "What? They don't look like Mom shoes enough to match my MOM BODY?!?" Either way, I was belatedly incensed about the comment. He tried to explain himself, to say that he didn't mean it as an insult. Honestly, as I'm writing it out, I can't even remember how he tried to spin it because of how ineffective that spinning was.

Oh, and have I mentioned the trouble I've been having with my application to the Nevada Bar? Apparently, there's still missing about a gagillion things of mine because the post office stopped working, or because it's just too difficult to make note of my married name versus my maiden name, and this morning I got an email that just mentions that I have a week to get this straightened out or I will be DISQUALIFIED for the November swearing in, provided I pass the exam.

So, add to all that Mia falling out of bed at about 4:30 this morning, and then tossing and turning in our bed until 5:30 this morning, when she went back into her own bed because even my 2 year old had enough sense to realize how little sleep she was getting by resting her head on my throat. And of course, at 5:45, there goes B's work out alarm, and I've been awake since 4:30 and now he's going to work out in our room because me and my mom-body don't need any stinking beauty rest!

Before B left for work, he's all... "Um, honey? I know you're struggling and all, but I just kind of need to know you're okay before I leave." I'll be fine, nothing a few weekdays in a row won't fix. Amirite?

Injured

Bright and early saturday morning, at the very start of my highly anticipated weekend which was meant to be filled with errands, fun and cleaning, I walked down the steps carrying a fully dressed Mia, and did God knows what to my back. I didn't fall, I didn't slip, I didn't even miss a step, and yet... I was in serious pain. Work has been sucky and continues to be sucky, though some solutions are presenting themselves so it's not as bad as all that, it's just... unpleasant. The point is, I was very much looking forward to keeping busy and my mind otherwise occupied. So the pain did that, but you know, also kept me parked on my behind, giving me, you know, time to think about the sucky things at work when I do not want to be thinking of such things.

ANYWAY, my weekend was spent on my couch, neglecting all my normal weekend duties. I was perched on my fully pillows nearly the entire time, taking a break for a couple of walks so as not to reach full sloth status, but getting absolutely no cleaning or laundry done. Also, in response to my complaints that this has never happened to me before, and what could I have wrong, my husband says: Well, you've never been this old before. Thanks for pointing that out, dearest.


Other things that happened:

- In an attempt to keep my child entertained with minimal physical effort, I allowed her to play with my iPhone. In addition to the very many rearranged App icons, she managed to turn on TWO of my previously used alarm clocks. One for 4:25am, and the other for 5:30am. So, that happened. It was very confusing and I had no idea why my phone was ringing like cathedral bells in the middle of the night and early morning. I came to and made the connection. So, thanks for that, Mia. Way to keep us on our toes.

- In what turned out to be a poor back-related decision, but a good food related decision, I got up off my couch and went to the Las Vegas Foodie Fest at which there were 30+ food trucks and ate the most delicious things. B and I shared some Asian tacos, one Korean beef, and the other some kind of delicious chicken. I also made a beeline for a truck labelled Filipino Fusion (for obvious reasons) and had my most favorite Filipino food re-vamped. Khalua-marinated pork belly (and here's the twist)... NACHOS. Oh yeah.

-I discovered my new guilty pleasure while B is at work on Saturdays show: Vampire Diaries. It is terrible and great in all expected ways and I like it very much. I streamed the first four episodes on Saturday, and wished to watch it on Sunday but refrained.

Idealized Summer

Between constantly being sick, and the above 100 degree temperatures and scorching sunlight of Las Vegas, I realized that we're in quite a bit of a rut.

I realized this as a I glanced over at my husband, who was doing something on his computer while the Matrix 2 was playing. I was sitting on the couch finishing an epic bracelet. Mia was already asleep. This is the same scene that plays out almost every weeknight in our living room. Something on TV (plus, now that it's summer all the good TV is in reruns), B is on his laptop, while I make jewelry/knit/work on my Etsy Shop. It was Sunday night, we had already done our chores for the day, stocked our refrigerator for the week. I asked what he was up to, and almost dramatically, he said "Just waiting for bedtime, I guess". It hit me how depressing that sounds.

We have big summer plans. We bought a membership to the Springs Preserve, with the full intention of going at least once a month. We haven't gone back since, because... HOT. We are going to take a weekend trip to LA, but don't want to deal with hassle of boarding the dogs now that we've lost our go-to college student dog sitter. We are going to spend a night at a Vegas hotel with a fabulous pool towards the end of the summer when Mia is more steady on her feet, but it seems like the hotel prices aren't dipping below $125 which was our cut off. I still think we'll make all three items happen.

There always seem like so many excuses not to do something out of the ordinary. My husband is a home body. The baby shouldn't be out in the heat for long. The dogs. Gas. Money. We talk about ordinary things: carseats, soy milk, Netflix queues, what our next car should be sometime in 2013.

In reality, we don't sit at home that much on the weekends. We went to Costco (soymilk and baby wipes), Babies R Us (more Playtex Dropins for Daycare), the grocery store, Frys (new mouse). In fact, that afternoon, we had spent an hour or so at our complex's pool. We went out to dinner on Friday, and walked around the mall. I even drank a margarita and bought a skirt! Last week, we had a visitor. We went to a wine tasting. Somehow, in that moment, none of that seemed exciting enough. Because it's not very exciting. It's life! Weekends in a family of two working parents are inevitably going to stuffed full of errands that pile up during the week. Weeknights are about cleaning up after dinner, picking up baby toys, and getting ready for the next morning, and oh yeah, resting.

In about a month, I'll be boarding a plane LaGuardia-bound with Mia for a visit with my college roommates, then spending a few days with my Aunt, and then heading to Chicago for another wedding, where B will meet us.. I'm sure by the time I'm a few days into single parenting Mia, I'll be daydreaming about my rut.

Strep o'clock

I feel like my blog posts of late revolve around looking forward to the weekend and the various diseases and infections that Mia brings home from daycare. So, for that reason, I am not going to dwell on the fact that Mia, B and I all three tested positive for Strep, are all three on a total of four different kinds of antibiotics, and all three had to take two sick days following a sick weekend. I won't even get into the story where I had an allergic reaction to the first antibiotic I was prescribed (shortness of breath, hives on my palms), having to catch the Minute Clinic nurse just before she was leaving to please give me something different, don't make me wait until morning THANKS! I'm also not going to dwell on the sinus pressure headache of the ages that I am currently experiencing, since the strep bacteria which gave me the most painful sore throat I've ever experienced has migrated up to my sinuses, despite being back at work because, let's be real, nobody can miss an impromptu 5 days in a row off work. Being back today makes it 4 (2 vacation days for my anticipated long weekend last week, and 2 sick days because of the Strep).

Instead, I'm going to show you a few pictures of how we were able to ignore our symptoms for a day, and entertain my high school friend J for the 36 hours of her visit. (She was supposed to be with u for four days, but she had a family emergency and had to delay her arrival from Thursday to Saturday -- everything is OK now, and it ended up being for the best, disease-wise)

Mia is visibly miserable, although we did not have confirmation that she was also in awful throat pain until Monday at 8am, which is when the pediatrician opens. I was stopping in every restroom between SharkReef at Mandalay Bay and The CocaCola store (not pictured) next to the MGM Grand to spray my throat with Chloraseptic, infinitely more times than the recommended amount of 1 spray every 2-3 hours. It was more like 3 sprays every hour, but you know.

 By tuesday evening, Mia had been on her antibiotics for 36 hours (me, day 3, Brian 35 hours) and was feeling well enough to earn her first evern baby time out. 2 minutes on a chair without getting off for deliberately knocking over a speaker after repeatedly being told to leave it alone and understanding perfectly.

Time Out, misunderstood as the "Mama won't let me get up game".