???

So, I know I haven't posted since my introduction. And I swear it's not because I haven't wanted to. In fact, I have wanted to sooooooo much. I've logged on every day, if not twice most days. Hovered my mouse over the "new post" link, and then...just lost my courage. I just don't know what to post about! I wish I could say that I want to write about so many things that I actually just don't know where to start, and, perhaps, that is partly true. But in all reality it's also about not knowing what readers will find interesting. Sure, I honestly do have a million things in my brain on an hourly basis. But how much of that is interesting to the outside observer?

Then there's this fact: I suffer from depression. I was diagnosed in college but have known something was "wrong" much earlier in my life than that. And while not everything I think about and do revolves around the pessimistic life views that plague me, much does. Many of my musings are frustrations and disappointments. And I REALLY didn't/don't want anyone's first impression of me to be, "Oh my gosh, what a freak!" So, yeah, that eliminated a few of the topics I could have posted about in the last few days. I just didn't have anything super happy and upbeat to say. I go through swings.

But, all of this has gotten me thinking. I can't be the only mom, (or woman, because I believe some of our readers may not be mothers, at least not yet) that suffers from depression, right? Please, say "Right!" :P

So, while I plan on keeping most of my posts as upbeat as possible, perhaps I NEED to share when I'm having a bad day too. Perhaps it will help someone else to know they are not alone. Whether it be postpartum depression, or "plain old" clinical depression, maybe even just one reader out there needs to feel validated and know that someone else can relate. Maybe if more women and moms on more blogs shared their mood swings, their depressed moments, I wouldn't be so scared myself to begin with! Because I would know I wasn't alone as well. So, perhaps, just perhaps, being real, being myself, would be a good thing. I know, what a shocking realization, right? LOL.

[And a final note, maybe you who are reading this right now have never been depressed a moment in your life. If so, congratulations! Seriously, I wish I was you. But if that's the case, then it's definitely not about making you feel less alone in this world. But maybe sharing with you my sometimes fragile emotional state will make you see that not everyone feels great 100% of the time like you do, and open your mind to the trials and tribulations of at least this one mother.]

Lots of love to all out there! Sweet dreams!