Monday, October 22, 2012

Anniversaries?

I've got a topic/question/situation/issue that I'm looking for feedback on: What do you ladies and your husbands or significant others do for your anniversary each year?
I'm wondering if for most people anniversaries are not really huge deals. If in fact I'm the crazy one making more of a deal out of it, or WANTING to make more of a deal out of it, than I should, or rather if most people do truly quite a bit for their wedding anniversary and my husband needs a slap upside the head for being so casual.
I was going to spell out what I wanted to do this year, vs. my husband's desires, vs. what we plan to do as a compromise now. Instead, I'd like to hear from you ladies first as to what you typically do, and if those plans, gifts, etc., are your first choice or usually a compromise because you and your man's opinions differ (heck, maybe for some of you, HE'S the one who thinks bigger than you do). Then after some responses I'll fill you in on Romeo and my current situation.
FYI: It's the middle of the night, but technically Monday, and our anniversary is Wednesday, so the more dialogue the faster, the better, in case he does deserve the dog house and I deserve a change of plans in time. (Or perhaps vice versa, like I said, it is possible I'm the extreme one.) But no matter when you gals have time to respond, even after the "big" [?] day, I'd still appreciate it all for future reference.
Thanks!

10 comments:

  1. De-lurking to say that my husband and I really don't do anything... sometimes if we remember we go out to dinner, but usually just somewhere around the anniversary, rarely on the actual day (it can be an excuse to go somewhere a bit nicer than we normally would, but that's about it). But of course, that's just us - I don't think it's wrong to make a big deal of such things, we're just not into celebrations/ceremony (I mean, we got married in a judge's office with an assistant narcotics DA as the witness, so...).

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  2. I don't think there's a normal... it depends on what you both want. That said, I definitely think it's preferable to have a conversation about this where you both clearly state your expectations and decide together what you plan to do, rather than having one person stewing because the other person isn't doing enough/the right thing.

    We're both pretty low-key about occasions, but we do more for our anniversary than other occasions. We usually do an overnight trip away while the grandparents watch the kids, and we exchange cards. Instead of buying each other presents, we buy a piece of art together for our home.

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  3. Agree with CM: there's no normal, there's just what works for you. If you're not on the same page and it's not working for you, then you need to speak up and say something. (Take it from me: subtle hints do not work.)

    Usually he sends roses. Usually there's some sort of dessert wine. In the old days, we did gifts, but more often now we don't. (We are coming up on 20 years, so we've been there, done that.) If we make big plans (weekend away), it's because I did the planning -- but that's true of every trip.

    That said, neither of us are into big productions, and our anniversary is in the middle of the holiday season already.

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  4. Oh, we definitely converse. But unfortunately one of a couple things usually happens: 1) I thought it was a genuine conversation but it turns out he wasn't listening and was just "Mmhmm'ing" and such without any thought, so he doesn't remember and claims the conversation never happened; 2) We have a real convo, but neither wants to budge, so what starts out calm ends in him zoning out and me crying and screaming. (Sometimes he zones out first which causes my reaction, sometimes my emotional outburst happens first which causes him to zone out.)

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  5. Zoning out being his choice of changing the subject, turning on the TV, walking out of the room to go play toys with Tybalt, etc.

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  6. Conversing with friends, acquaintances, even relative strangers-one of his skills. Conversing with me- he sucks. And he admits it. Supposedly because I want him to emote during them, which he finds himself incapable of.

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  7. Of course, obviously if half the time I end up in tears I shouldn't exactly claim to have my crud together in the serious conversation department either...

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  8. We have always been poor. So we always do something, but our limited budget has kept it low key - ours was yesterday, and we went to a movie (!), which we haven't done since Christmas. We've never bought a gift - The Poverty, gak. So, I think we both would rather do something nicer, but we also both are sensible budgeters. For our ten year, we are taking a trip, though.

    I didn't marry a flowers guy. I just didn't. He is not so much the romance. I usually provide my own romance and tell him what nice thing he did for me. It's a compromise I can live with.

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  9. So? What's the verdict? What did you end up compromising on?

    For the record, B and I do very low key anniversaries and always have. With the exception of our very first dating anniversary, which coincided with our spring break in law school, when we went on a cruise. But since then, it's been dinners. And since the baby, it's been kid-friendly dinners.

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  10. We compromised on "meaningful" gifts from the Disney Store for each other. (We honeymooned at Walt Disney World in Orlando.) We had a budget of $20 each. I went over that a little, he went under it alot, so I guess that worked out. And we exchanged cards. I couldn't decided between are heart-felt "made ya cry" card and a cute one. So I got both. He got me a heart-tugger, which, at least he knows if I'm only getting one that's the kind I'd like. Then we went to the Cosmopolitan Buffet. A very nice Las Vegas buffet choice. Different than most others around here. Frenchie--our group will have to go sometime if you haven't already been. I have to admit his suggestion of meaningful creative gifts (it's his suggestion every holiday--Anniversaries, Valentine's, Mother's and Father's Day, not quite so much on Birthdays at least...) sounds nice on paper. But it just doesn't work most times. Last Mother's Day he got me a whole set of Bath and Body Works Cherry Blossom scented candles, lotion, shower gel, bubble bath, etc. I broke down in tears--why? His feeling was he sees the stuff around the house all the time, so I must like it, right? And occasionally I go to the store looking for bubble bath. Here's the thing-- I go to the store for bubble bath because it's the only one of those kind of items I EVER use. My skin is sensitive and BBW brand heavily scented hand and body lotions just aggravate it. The stuff is only lying all over the house because my dad works for the company, gets a discount and sends it. He also has never been able to take the hint that I don't like it and will never use it (this confusion may be because his wife and my sister adore the stuff, so it's easy to just assume we all do). But every time I open a new shipment I gripe, openly and vocally, about how much I detest the stuff and it's just going to go to waste. Romeo's issue is that he doesn't listen to the words coming out of my mouth. And that's what pisses me off (sorry for language). He sees it in the house, figures it's there for a reason, but doesn't listen as to what that annoying reason really is. Beyond that, I despise most of the BBW scents. They are all floral. I hate floral. I took Romeo to a store once to redeem a coupon for a free sample and they had no citrus or fruit scents which is all I like. I huffed out complaining how I don't like floral. Keep in mind the beginning of this story--not only did he get me a bunch of lotions and potions I don't want and will never use, but he bought them in Cherry Blossom, one of the most floral scents ever. Exasperated I asked why? His response, "Well, you said something about florals." Great. Just great. He hears me say "florals." But coincidentally misses the fact that I hate florals and only like citrus or fruits. Ugh. What to do, what to do? I love him. But the man doesn't listen for shit. Again, please excuse language.

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