Adoption, adoption, adoption. It's all I can think about. I want a little baby girl in my arms...now, right now. And yes, I am aware that's SO not how adoption works, and that I'm not being practical or rational. 1) It's not fast; there is no "right now" in adoption. 2) You can't necessarily choose the gender. Some people say you shouldn't even in cases where you can. Sometimes I feel guilty that I would want to. 3) It's not always a newborn; and older children are in more need. 4) It costs money that Romeo and I just don't have right now, and can't count on in our near future. (And I'm not foster-to-adopt material. If I knew a child was placed with me because a parent was inadequate my Christian values of love, forgiveness, believing people can change, and giving second chances would all fly out the window, mother bear would come out and I'd never want to give that precious child back.)
But if I'm being candid and honest, that is my fantasy that keeps replaying like a broken record. So can I just live in a little bubble and have my fantasy for a minute? 1) I want another baby, I never wanted an only child. For those of you that do, to each their own, but that's not me. 2) or 1b) I want a sibling for Tybalt. 3) I want to have those newborn experiences I was cheated out of with Tybalt. 4) I always wanted a girl to put in frilly dresses and those sticky hair bows that I have always seen on peach fuzz endowed infants and wonder how they stick. 5) or 4b) If I really can never get pregnant again and if we *ever* find ourselves financially able to adopt I'm sure it will only happen once, so yes, I wish for a girl so I'd have one child of each gender. I'm not saying a girl is more important to me than having another child. I want whatever God puts in our path. But I'm numbering the bullet points of my fantasy-- not reality.
That's all. That's my post for this midnight. Just some ramblings on what I want, why I do, and what's not realistic about it. :/